Imagine entering a world that was not created with your senses, your communication style, your pace or your sensitivity in mind. From the very first moments, you learn that in order to function in this world, you must assume a certain form – a form that is more acceptable, less “puzzling,” more predictable to others.
This is what autistic camouflage is. A complicated mix of intuition, strategy and automatism that allows you to navigate the neurotypical reality, but at the same time manages to move you away from yourself(s).
Masking is neither a game of acting nor an attempt at manipulation. It is a reaction of your nervous system, which wants one thing above all: safety.
In this article you will learn what masking is, where it comes from, why it is sometimes necessary, and most importantly: how to recognize it consciously and how to reclaim yourself step by step.
What really is masking in the autism spectrum?
Masking is a process in which you learn to hide or modify your natural autistic behavior to minimize the risk of being misunderstood, judged or rejected.
Sometimes you do this consciously – for example, when you know you need to behave formally or “professionally.” Often, however, you activate the mask automatically, before you even have time to think about whether you need it at the moment.
It can look like you are watching others to learn their tone of voice, the way they speak, their moments of pause. Over time, you begin to have whole sets of “scripts” and reactions in your head that you recreate during conversations. At the same time, you suppress your natural needs, moments of sensory disconnection, the need for rest.
And when the situation calls for it, you embody a version of yourself that is fitter, more flexible, more fit than you in your natural form.
From the outside, you may appear to be doing great. From the inside, you may feel tension, analyzing everything step by step, and sometimes even a sense of being a bit beside yourself.
Why do you start masking?
Masking is mainly born out of the need to survive – emotionally, socially and sometimes even physically.
From an early age, you may experience comments that suggest your natural reactions “don’t fit in.”
– “Don’t sit like that.”
– “Don’t make faces like that.”
– “Why don’t you look in the eyes?”
– “Act like others.”
Each such sentence is deposited in you like an impulse to hide. As you grow up, you learn that the world rewards fitting in, not authenticity. That it’s easier to be liked(-ed), employed(-ed) or just safe(-ed) when your “autism” is not conspicuous.
You mask because you want to avoid unpleasant experiences, but also because you want to build relationships, function at work, and have peace of mind.
Masking, then, is not a choice in the “go right or left” category. It’s more like a reflex – so natural that only over time do you begin to understand how deeply it has affected your identity.
What does camouflage look like from the inside?
Three different processes are intertwined in camouflage. You don’t have to recognize them separately, but understanding them helps you see the full picture.
- Compensation – when you learn social behavior like a foreign language
This is the moment when you observe people and reconstruct their gestures, facial expressions, rhythm of speech. You can learn dialogues from movies, memorize phrases and whole “packages” of behavior. Over time, a library of reactions forms in you, which you activate depending on the situation.
- Masking proper – when you suppress what is natural
This is the aspect that puts the most strain on your body. You keep your shoulders rigid, make sure you don’t swing your leg, so you don’t wriggle from the excess stimuli. You maintain eye contact, even if your nervous system feels like looking away. You monitor yourself in real time, as if you were(are) your own flight controller.
- Adaptation – when you feel as if you are playing a role
You may feel like you have to run a “social version” of yourself in order to survive interactions. Not because you want to mislead someone, but because your natural way of being doesn’t fit into the standards that others expect.
Together, these three elements create a system that, from the outside, gives the impression of flexibility, but from the inside, often consumes a great deal of energy.
What costs can occur when you mask for many years?
Masking is not just a behavior, it is a state of constant tension. And your body sooner or later begins to signal this.
You may notice that after intense meetings you feel as if someone has taken away some of your thinking ability. Fogginess, fatigue, difficulty finding words appear. This is because masking puts a heavy strain on your prefrontal cortex – the most energy-intensive part of the brain.
Over time, this can lead to autistic burnout, a state of burnout in which your mental resources are depleted. You may feel that you are unable to do anything, even things that used to be routine.
Masking also affects your identity. If you’ve spent years fitting into the expectations of those around you, you may begin to have difficulty answering the question, “Who am I when no one is watching me?” This sense of fuzzy identity is very common, and there’s nothing shameful about it – it’s the result of constantly functioning “on the outside” rather than being in touch with your inner self.
And finally – masking can separate you from authentic relationships. At a closer look, you can see that people know your mask, but not always you. This leads to a sense of loneliness even in a group.
Masking can be difficult, but it can also be a protective shield
While masking has costs, it also gives you access to a form of protection. It allows you to avoid conflict, misunderstanding and sometimes even violence. You can move more calmly through places that are not friendly to neuroatypicality.
Not everyone can mask and this means that just having this ability can sometimes be a privilege. For some people, the mask is the only tool that allows them to get a job, function in institutions, go through official procedures or maintain basic security.
That’s why the conversation about masking is never zero-sum. It is not a question of “to mask or not to mask,” but rather: “when does masking really serve you, and when does it start to harm you?”
The process of pulling off the mask – a slow return to yourself
Taking off the mask is not about one radical gesture. It starts with small moments where you notice that you can allow yourself less effort and more freedom.
It could be the first time you consciously stop forcing eye contact.
Or a moment when you allow yourself to freeze because you feel your body needs it.
It may be an admission that you need a break – not because you are “weak/weak,” but because your nervous system is telling you the truth.
The process of pulling off the mask is a process of reclaiming yourself, step by step, in places that make you feel safe and accepted.
It’s learning to recognize your needs, not those tailored to other people, but those that are truly yours.
If you feel you need support
If all that you’re reading right now is causing you to feel a sense of recognition, relief, or outright confusion or tension, remember that you don’t have to go through this process alone.
Many people on the autism spectrum experience tremendous improvements in their quality of life when they can work with a therapist who understands neurodiversity and approaches it with respect rather than an attempt to “fix” it.
Such work doesn’t have to take place in an inpatient setting – online psychotherapy offers the opportunity to meet with a specialist in a safe, home environment, without the overload of transportation, noise or daytime arrangements. Read more: adult autism spectrum therapy.
Summary
Masking can be exhausting, but it’s also a testament to your adaptability. You survived in a world that often demanded much more from you than from others. Now you can allow yourself to gradually find a space where you don’t have to fight, where you can just be.
Bibliography:
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8992921/
https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/masking
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0272735821001239