Life presents us with a variety of challenges. From everyday difficulties to major crises, each of us experiences moments when the support of a loved one becomes invaluable.
Emotional support is one of the pillars of healthy interpersonal relationships. It is the ability to be there for someone in a way that genuinely helps that builds the deepest bonds between people. However, despite appearances, effective assistance does not always come naturally – it is an art that is worth consciously developing.
In this article, we will look at practical ways of how to support a person in a difficult situation. We’ll discuss both the basic principles of showing support, as well as advanced concepts from schema therapy that will help us understand the deeper emotional mechanisms behind our needs.
Why is support important?
The importance of support can hardly be overstated. Psychological research invariably confirms that people with a strong social support network show greater mental resilience, cope better with stress and their mental health is in better shape.
When we experience support from loved ones:
- Our nervous system calms down and comes out of a state of high alert.
- The level of cortisol (stress hormone) in the blood decreases.
- Emotional security increases.
- We process difficult experiences more easily.
- We recover more quickly from crises.
Spiritual support has a special place in the spectrum of different forms of support. Whether religious in nature or more universal, it helps to make sense of difficult experiences and put them into perspective. Spiritual support often touches on the deepest questions about the purpose and meaning of suffering, offering comfort that goes beyond immediate solutions.
Many of us intuitively know the importance of knowing how to comfort a person in need. However, there is often a gap between intention and effective action that is worth consciously bridging.
How to effectively support a person?
Understand the needs
The foundation of effective support is careful recognition of the other person’s needs. Instead of assuming that we know what someone in a difficult situation needs, it is much better to simply ask: “How can I help you?” or “What do you need now?”.
Different people have different needs in difficult times:
- Some simply need to be heard without receiving advice.
- Others want concrete solutions and practical help.
- Some need physical closeness, a hug.
- For others, space and time alone to process emotions will be most important.
Creating a safe space to talk means that the other person can freely express their emotions without fear of being judged. You can achieve this by:
- Maintaining eye contact.
- Eliminating distractions (putting the phone down).
- Patient, active listening without interrupting.
- Refraining from immediate advice.
Accepting your feelings makes it easier to talk about your problems
One of the most common mistakes is to deny the other person’s feelings by saying things like: “Don’t worry,” “Don’t cry,” “It’ll be fine.“ While these are based on good intentions, they can lead to a loved one feeling misunderstood or that their emotions are unimportant.
Acceptance of feelings involves affirming the other person’s right to experience emotions, even difficult ones. When someone says: “I feel hopeless,” instead of responding: “Don’t exaggerate, it’s not that bad,” it’s better to say: “I understand that you feel that way now and it’s very difficult for you.”
Examples of empathetic responses that build trust:
- “It must be really hard for you.”
- “You have a right to feel this way.”
- “I’m here with you, you don’t have to go through this alone.”
- “Thank you for sharing this with me.”
Empathy in practice
Empathy is the ability to enter another person’s perspective and understand their experience. It is an ability that we can systematically develop.
To practice “stepping into the shoes” of the other person in crisis is to consciously put ourselves in the situation and ask ourselves: “How would I feel/feel in her place?”. However, it is important to remember that every person is different, and we can only get closer to understanding someone’s experience without ever fully knowing it.
Tips on how to be more empathetic:
- Listen actively, focusing all attention on the interlocutor
- Refrain from judging and assessing
- Pay attention to non-verbal cues (tone of voice, body posture)
- Ask open-ended questions instead of those that suggest an answer
- Reflect the emotions you hear (“I hear you feel disappointed”)
How to show support to a man?
How to show support to a man – this question often arises in the context of cultural differences in expressing and receiving support. While every man is different and generalizations can be deceptive, research shows some trends in the way many men experience and process emotions.
The specificity of support for men is often related to the need to maintain a sense of autonomy and competence. In a culture that still largely expects men to be strong and self-sufficient, accepting help can be seen as a sign of weakness.
Practical tips for supporting men:
- Listen without judging – create a space where a man can open up without fear of judgment. Avoid reactions that could be interpreted as pity.
- Supporting autonomy of decision – instead of telling him what he should do, you can ask: “What do you think would be the best next step?” or offer: “I’m here to listen to you or discuss options if you need it.”
- Appreciate efforts – pay attention to what he does well and express appreciation for his efforts, even small ones, this can be very helpful.
- Doingthings together – many men find it easier to open up during a shared activity (walking, DIY, sports) than in a formal “face-to-face” conversation.
- Respect the need for space – if a man signals a need for solitude, respect this while making it clear that you are available when he is ready to talk.
It is worth remembering that these tips do not apply to all men – each man has his own individual style of dealing with difficulties and accepting support.
Support from loved ones. Small gestures of great importance
We often focus on big gestures of support, forgetting that it is the everyday, small expressions of care that build a sense of being taken care of. Especially at times when someone is simply having a bad day, small gestures can significantly improve one’s mood.
A list of simple actions that show care:
- Send a short message: “I’m thinking of you”, “You are important/important”.
- You can make a favorite meal or drink for the person in crisis.
- Offer to take a walk together.
- You can provide her/him with assistance. Take over responsibilities that usually belong to that particular person.
- Leave a small gift or a note in an unexpected place.
- Listen to each other without interrupting or commenting.
- Share something that makes you smile (a funny photo, a memory).
- Offer to help with a specific task.
These small gestures can help build rapport and a sense of security because they communicate: “I see you,” “I care about you,” “You are not alone in what you are experiencing.” The regularity of small gestures of showing care builds an atmosphere of constant support that acts as a preventive measure, strengthening mental resilience on a daily basis, not just in moments of crisis.
Support vs. emotional patterns
How our words can make or break patterns
We all carry certain emotional schemas – deeply ingrained beliefs about ourselves and the world that influence how we interpret the behavior of others. Many of these patterns are formed in early childhood and can affect our entire adult lives.
When someone turns to us for support, our reactions can either reinforce that person’s negative schemas or help break them. Being aware of this allows us to show support in a way that truly heals, rather than just comforting on an ad hoc basis.
Problem vs. emotional deprivation
One common pattern is the belief in emotional deprivation – the deep conviction that our basic emotional needs will not be met by other people. People with this pattern often:
- Have difficulty asking for help.
- They withdraw from relationships to avoid disappointment.
- They feel invisible or misunderstood.
- They often become “givers” themselves, neglecting their own needs.
When we hear from a loved one thoughts such as:
- “No one will understand me anyway”
- “I have to cope alone/on my own”
- “I can’t count on others”
- “My needs are not important”
This signals that we may be dealing with a person who is experiencing emotional deprivation.
Helping in difficult times. How to talk to truly support a person in crisis
There are specific ways of communication that can help break negative patterns and give the other person an authentic experience of being understood and cared for.
Instead of invalidating feelings and applying good advice (“You should …”
You can say:
- “What you are feeling is completely understandable in this life situation”
- “Your emotions are valid and make sense given what you’re experiencing.”
- “There is nothing wrong with feeling sad/angry/fear in this situation”
- “Thank you for sharing your feelings with me – it takes courage”
Instead of immediate solutions (“Just do X”, “You need to get on with it”)
Supportive answers:
- “I’m here to listen to you, we don’t need to find solutions right away”
- “What would help you the most right now? Do you want to talk about possible solutions or do you just need space to express your emotions?”
- “I believe in your ability to deal with this situation, but you don’t have to go through this alone/on your own.”
- “Let’s think together about what your options are when you are ready/ready.”
Instead of minimizing the problem (“Others have it worse”, “It’s not a big deal”)
Supportive answers:
- “What you are experiencing is important and I don’t want to diminish it by comparison”
- “Your pain/stress/sadness is real and deserves attention”
- “Everyone experiences difficulties differently – what is easy for one person may be a huge challenge for another”
- “We don’t need to measure suffering – your experience is important in itself”
Instead of isolating (“You have to deal with it”, “It’s your problem”)
Supporting responses:
- “You are not alone in this – I am here for you”
- “We can get through this together, step by step”
- “It’s normal to need support – we all need it sometimes”
- “Being there for you in this situation is important to me”
Practical Use of knowledge about patterns
Knowledge of emotional patterns allows us to better understand why some seemingly innocent comments can hurt more deeply than we intend. It also gives us the tools to consciously choose words that truly heal.
Key principles of supportive communication:
- Validate emotions – affirm the other person’s right to feel what they feel.
- Be present – sometimes mere presence and attention is the most valuable support.
- Ask instead of assuming – everyone has different needs in difficult moments.
- Show understanding – even if you don’t fully understand the situation, you can understand difficult emotions.
- Emphasize value – remind the other person of their strength, resources and importance.
Experiencing genuine care and understanding from other people directly challenges the belief that emotional deprivation is inevitable. Therefore, conscious, empathetic, wise support can be an important experience that helps break destructive thought patterns.
Summary
The ability to effectively show support is one of the most important skills in interpersonal relationships. It requires a combination of empathy, attentiveness and respect for the other person’s individual needs.
I encourage you to practice support on a daily basis and be open to the needs of others. Remember that being supportive does not require perfection – what matters is sincere intention, willingness to learn and authentic presence.
How about you, how do you show support to your loved ones?
Share your experiences in the comments below. What ways of showing support work for you? What challenges do you face?
And if you feel you need professional support in dealing with emotional difficulties, I encourage you to seek help. Learn more – online psychotherapy Sometimes talking to a specialist can open up new perspectives and help you find solutions that you don’t see for yourself.
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