Perfectionism, being perfect are often the demands of the modern world, which reinforce our high standards, not only in the professional field, but also affect our relationships, health and leisure. The importance of leisure time in our daily lives is increasingly emphasized. The media has probably written all about work-life balance. Taking care of the sphere of relaxation is supposed to help us become more creative, brilliant and productive at work. Besides, it has a salutary effect on our energy, appearance and physical fitness.
It’s hard to disagree with this. However, this approach can often lead to a paradox, in which leisure time becomes just another task to be done. And after all, our relaxation is supposed to be simply… enjoyable.
We have limited influence on reality, so we will take an individual perspective. We’ll look at high standards, because perfectionism really can be defused. We’ll also expand on the theme of being able to be closer to yourself and your needs. We invite you to join us.
Perfectionism – what is it?
Perfectionism is
- The relentless pursuit of extremely high standards (for oneself and others).
- Judging one’s self-worth largely on the basis of one’s abilities, actions and final results.
- Experiencing the negative consequences of setting such exacting standards and continuing to do so despite the cost.
What does perfectionism consist of?
Rules
Through perfectionism, we set unrealistic, absolute standards for ourselves that are exaggeratedly high and thus unlikely to be met. They are inflexible, applying anytime, anywhere, regardless of the situational context, our needs and our mood. When these unrealistically high standards are not met, instead of concluding that they were unrealistic, the perfectionist concludes that she did not do enough, and therefore failed.
Behavior
Perfectionism is fostered by behaviors by which we seemingly make sure we catch up to high standards. This happens, for example, when we over-plan, over-check, and impose a time regime on ourselves. What’s more, by strictly adhering to these rigid plans, we never revise our assumptions and leave ourselves room for new, unforeseen experiences that our plan did not take into account.
Thoughts
Perfectionist thinking is characterized by extremes in evaluating what is success and what is failure. The difficulty of centering ourselves increases our harshness toward ourselves and our belief that we are inadequate. We force ourselves into a zero-one system, in which a plan not executed to the letter is a complete failure, as if there are no positive consequences in the world for seemingly unfortunate events, or valuable lessons to be learned from seemingly unlucky situations.
When perfectionism catches up with us on vacation, for example, thoughts like these can arise:
i really need a decent rest
it is necessary to make good use of this time
this vacation must be perfect
Our attention is then focused on catching up with the lofty goal. In turn, if we fail to meet our goals, we focus on the failure – not on what is happening around us now: the sights, the impressions, the people. Consequently, this takes us away from seeing the serene moments, pleasures and interesting experiences.
Typical symptoms and traits of a perfectionist – how to recognize them?
Perfectionism can manifest itself in many ways, often very subtle. It is worth taking a look at your thoughts, emotions and daily behavior – you may recognize some of the following traits in yourself. Remember, you don’t have to have all the symptoms to need support or change.
The most common symptoms of perfectionism
- All-or-nothing thinking
You feel that if you don’t do something perfectly, it means you’ve completely failed. You find it difficult to see the value in effort if the result is not perfect. - High level of self-criticism
You are rarely satisfied with yourself. Instead of enjoying your achievements, you focus on shortcomings and mistakes, even small ones. - Fear of failure
You fear that every mistake will be noticed and judged. This often stops you from taking on new challenges or makes you procrastinate for a long time before starting to take action. - Procrastination (procrastination of tasks)
You sometimes put off tasks because you’re afraid you won’t do them well enough. The higher your expectations, the harder it is to get started. - Unrealistically high standards
You set goals that are difficult to achieve. Perhaps you feel that “every vacation must be perfect” or “you should always be the best at your job.” - Focusing on the result, not the process
It’s hard for you to enjoy the path to your goal itself – all that matters is the end result. Even if you achieve success, you often fail to appreciate it. - Comparing yourself with others
You pay attention to what others are doing, and often think you should be “better,” “more organized,” “more efficient.” - Difficulty accepting criticism
Every comment is taken very personally. Instead of taking it as feedback, you feel affected and undermined in your self-worth. - Low self-esteem
Your self-esteem depends on your achievements. When something doesn’t go your way, the thought “I’m not good enough” easily arises. - The constant need to prove your worth
You feel internal pressure not to let others down and to constantly show that you deserve recognition.
Perfectionism in everyday life – examples
- At work, you spend a lot of time working out the details, making it difficult for you to finish a task on time.
- In relationships, you worry about whether you are a good enough partner, mother, friend.
- Even when resting, you feel that you should “make better use of time” or “do something useful.”
Why is it important to recognize these symptoms?
Noticing these behaviors in yourself is the first step to change. Perfectionism doesn’t have to define your life – you can learn to take a softer approach to yourself, appreciate progress and take satisfaction from everyday experiences, even if things don’t go as planned.
Remember that each of us has the right to make mistakes, to rest, and to our own pace of development. If you want to learn step by step how to build a healthier attitude towards yourself and your standards, you’re in a safe place – we support women in exactly such challenges.
Perfectionism and mental disorders – how are they connected?
Perfectionism is often seen as a trait that motivates one to grow and achieve ambitious goals. However, when it turns into a rigid, relentless pattern of thinking and acting, it can not only hinder daily functioning, but can also be associated with other mental difficulties.
Is perfectionism a disease?
It is worth knowing that perfectionism in itself is not considered a mental illness. Rather, it is a certain way of experiencing oneself and the world, which, if it becomes too rigorous, can lead to suffering and feelings of loneliness. However, a growing body of research shows that excessive perfectionism often co-occurs with various mental disorders.
Perfectionism and anxiety disorders, depression, OCD
If you notice constant anxiety in yourself, fear of making a mistake or a feeling that you are never good enough – these could be signals that perfectionism is linked to other difficulties. This is most often the case:
- Anxiety disorders-rigiddemands on yourself can exacerbate internal tension and fear of being judged.
- Depression-chronicdissatisfaction with oneself and feelings of guilt for not being “perfect” can lead to lowered mood and loss of motivation.
- Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)– here perfectionism takes the form of a compulsion to repeat actions or thoughts to “protect” oneself from error or disaster.
Perfectionism and ADHD-a less obvious connection
Although perfectionism is not a typical symptom of ADHD, in some women struggling to organize and concentrate, it can appear as an attempt to “make up” for their own weaknesses. Striving for perfection is then sometimes a way to hide distraction or forgetfulness. Unfortunately, such mechanisms often bring more frustration than relief.
Does perfectionism always have to lead to problems?
Not every person with high standards experiences mental disorders. However, if you feel that perfectionism is taking away your enjoyment of life or becoming a source of tension, it’s worth taking a closer look – preferably in a safe, supportive relationship with a therapist.
Remember that you are not alone in these experiences. At New Views, we create a space where you can feel understood and receive professional support – whether your difficulties stem from perfectionism or other mental challenges. Your needs and emotions are important. You can take care of yourself – on your own terms.
The impact of perfectionism on relationships and daily life – a warm look at the consequences
Perfectionism is often associated with the pursuit of perfection, but its presence in our lives can affect much more broadly than it appears at first glance. The high standards you set for yourself can, over time, imperceptibly seep into your relationships, daily choices and sense of happiness.
Perfectionism and relationships with others
You may be noticing that your expectations of yourself also translate into expectations of loved ones. Wanting everything to be “perfect” can make it difficult to build true intimacy. When it’s difficult to accept someone else’s imperfections or allow loved ones to move at their own pace, tension and even distance arise in relationships. Over time, this can lead to feelings of loneliness – both on your side and in those close to you.
Stop for a moment and ask yourself: are you able to enjoy small successes – your own and those of others? Do you allow yourself (and others) to be “good enough” instead of constantly chasing an impossible ideal?
The cost of perfectionism in everyday life
High standards can sometimes be motivating, but they can also lead to chronic fatigue and feelings of overload. Maybe you happen to give up rest, meetings with loved ones or small pleasures because “everything must be done perfectly first”? This attitude gradually takes the joy out of everyday life and makes even well-deserved success unsatisfying – because you can always do something better.
Over time, perfectionism can affect health – both mentally and physically. Chronic stress, lack of spontaneity or difficulty relaxing are signals that you may want to look at your expectations with more sensitivity and understanding.
Where to look for balance?
Perfectionism doesn’t have to be your enemy – it can become a signpost that helps you grow in harmony with yourself. Try to treat your goals and standards as inspiration rather than a rigid rule. Allow yourself flexibility, celebrate small advances and appreciate the moments that bring joy – even if things don’t go according to plan.
Where does perfectionism come from? Possible causes
Perfectionism does not appear in our lives by accident. It’s a complex phenomenon that often has its roots in both our childhood experiences and the world around us. Understanding where your high standards come from can be an important step in building greater self-acceptance and a softer approach to your own expectations.
Childhood upbringing and experiences
Often the sources of perfectionism go back to family and school relationships. If you experienced high expectations, conditional acceptance or frequent criticism as a child, you may have learned that you only deserve recognition if you do everything perfectly. Such beliefs can accompany us into adulthood as well, affecting the way you view yourself and your achievements.
- Do you remember situations in which good performance at school or work was a condition for a warm atmosphere at home?
- Did you happen to compare yourself to others and feel that you had to be “the best” to earn acceptance?
The influence of the environment and modern culture
In today’s world, we are surrounded by messages that promote unattainable ideals. Social media, advertisements or even conversations at work can unconsciously reinforce in us the notion that only perfection is worthy of attention. It’s easy to succumb to the pressure to be “perfect” – at work, at home, in relationships and even while relaxing.
- Do you notice yourself comparing yourself to images of women on social media?
- Do you feel pressure to always look and act “your best,” even if it costs you a lot of energy?
Internal beliefs and the need for control
Sometimes perfectionism can be an attempt to cope with an inner fear of failure or rejection. High expectations of yourself can give you a sense of control over the situation and allow you to feel temporarily secure. However, over time, this approach can lead to tension, fatigue and a feeling that you are never “good enough.”
Remember that each of us has our own story and reasons for striving for perfection. Stop for a moment and take a sympathetic look at your beliefs. You may discover that you no longer need all of them – and that living in harmony with yourself doesn’t require being perfect, but being authentic and kind to yourself.
Treating the symptoms of perfectionism
If you are struggling with the problem of perfectionism and are experiencing long-term consequences in the form of neglecting other important areas of your life, it is worthwhile to get help from a therapist. The recommended model of work is cognitive-behavioral therapy, which is an effective current in the treatment of such psychological problems.
The paradox of perfectionism, or holiday failures
Many people think of high standards as something positive. Imagine planning a vacation in which you make assumptions about how many places you will visit, or where it would be a good idea to take pictures. In addition, you plan to read a book you’ve wanted to read for a long time. What might happen if you don’t do all this?
While having goals sometimes helps, too many can cause them to get in the way of our satisfaction and even make us feel worse. This kind of pressure can have the opposite effect and cause feelings of irritation, tension and stress.
Take action! How to deal with perfectionism?
Try to identify in yourself unhelpful rules, assumptions and ask yourself:
What do I expect from myself during the rest period?
What do I expect from myself in different roles – child, friend, partner, parent, employee?
What can happen if I lower my standards a bit?
The next step will be to try to challenge these unrealistic rules.
- Examine where your principle came from or how it evolved.
Maybe it goes back to a time when demanding parents showed you conditional approval when you did tasks well? Maybe you came across strict teachers? Maybe you surround yourself with people who live in a rush of tasks and responsibilities and seem to handle everything perfectly? For example:
As a teenager, I felt a nice, relaxed atmosphere at home only when I was doing excellently at school.
- Then consider how realistic and feasible your rules are.
I can’t guarantee myself that the trip will be perfect… Not everything depends on me.
- Try to recognize the negative consequences of recognizing and maintaining this rule. Especially keep yourself in mind. This is the most important direction in the fight against high standards, stick to it!
When I think about the fact that I have to make perfect use of every vacation day, I feel strangely stressed. I keep wondering if we should be exploring something more interesting, more popular during this time.
- Work out an alternative rule or assumption that might be more beneficial to you.
I don’t need to force myself to make another effort. For a change, I want to focus on the current moment, listen to my body. I just want to have fun.
- Plan the first step that will bring you closer to making your new principles a reality. Remember that daily practice is very necessary in change.
I’m going to spend the coming weekend lazily, with no big plans. If the opportunity to meet with friends arises – ok, but sitting at home will also be pleasant.
Remember, however, that changes do not have to be made perfectly. There will be better and worse days, this is completely normal. We don’t want perfectionism in the fight against it!
Interests
The vacations can be a good time to take up a variety of new activities that are fun and contribute to relaxation and enjoyment. Expand your time with activities you really enjoy. Maybe you’ve always wanted to buy yourself an ice cream and eat it while simply gazing at the river or trees? Or maybe you used to really enjoy late-night car rides with your favorite music, but for unknown reasons stopped going on them? All ideas can be good and helpful.
However, this is not about imposing a self-imposed regime of commitment to leisure activities! On the contrary, our goal is to listen to ourselves and bring out what we really feel like doing and allow ourselves to do it without judging whether it will be good enough for a long-awaited vacation.
Wasting time
One of the most important and also most difficult skills is to allow yourself to not do or plan anything. Maybe you feel like lying down longer, or looking out the window. See what it’s like to not plan your day, to take an aimless walk, to sit down and drink coffee slowly. You may be surprised by the observations, feelings and thoughts that arise. Or maybe you will simply calm down. Allow yourself this kind of relaxation. Plain and simple. Enough.
Strengthening flexibility and redefining goals
One of the most important steps in working on perfectionism is to learn to be flexible – both in your thinking and your daily actions. Instead of treating your goals as rigid rules, you can begin to see them as signposts – something that helps you grow, but doesn’t define your worth.
Try asking yourself, “What happens if I don’t execute this plan 100 percent?” Often you will find that the consequences are much less severe than your inner critic suggests. Give yourself the right to change your plans, give up some of your tasks or simply rest – this does not mean failure, but taking care of yourself and your needs.
The daily practice of flexibility can look very simple. If you find that you are imposing unrealistic demands on yourself, stop for a moment and see if this standard is really what you need. Sometimes “good enough” is really all you need to feel satisfaction and peace of mind.
Appreciate progress and practice gratitude
Perfectionism often causes us to focus only on shortcomings and deficiencies. Meanwhile, real change begins with noticing what you’ve already accomplished. Introduce a small ritual of appreciating progress into your daily life – it could be writing down one thing you’re proud of in your notebook today, or simply smiling to yourself after a task well done.
It’s also worth practicing gratitude. Stop for a moment and think about the small things that made you happy today – a good cup of coffee, a conversation with a friend, a moment of silence. Such simple gestures help build a healthier, kinder attitude toward yourself.
When trying on your own is not enough – reach out for support
If you feel that perfectionism is affecting your life too much and you find it difficult to make changes on your own, remember that enlisting the help of a specialist is a sign of courage and self-care. Cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy is a proven method for working with perfectionism – it can help you learn new ways of thinking and acting that will support your health and well-being.
Summary
Remember that your value does not depend on perfect results. You are enough just as you are – with successes, stumbles and a whole range of daily experiences. If you feel that perfectionism is beginning to obscure your enjoyment of life, allow yourself a moment of reflection and support. At New Views, we are here to accompany you on your journey to greater acceptance and peace – on your own terms.