Do you know someone who, despite his adult age, reacts like a small child? Maybe it’s your partner who gets offended every time something doesn’t go his way? Or a friend who expects everyone to second-guess her needs? Or perhaps you notice such behavior in yourself? In today’s article we will take a look at the phenomenon of emotional infantilism, you will learn what emotional infantilism is, learn about its causes and ways to cope.
What is emotional infantilism?
Imagine an adult who, in a stressful situation, reacts like a few-year-old child – crying, stomping, insulting or shifting responsibility to others. This is exactly how emotional infantilism can manifest itself. It is a condition in which an adult presents childlike patterns of behavior and emotional reactions that are inappropriate to his or her age and life situation.
Causes of infantilism. Where does emotional infantilism come from?
Mental inf antilism is a complex phenomenon, the origins of which may lie in various aspects of our life and development. Let’s take a look at the most important factors that can influence its development.
Childhood patterns
The way we were raised is fundamental to our emotional development. There are two particularly significant styles of upbringing that can contribute to the development of infantilism:
- Overprotectiveness – when parentsoverprotect a child from failure, they unconsciously convey a message of dependency.
- Emotional neglect – parents’ lack of emotional availability can lead to “stopping” emotional development at an earlier stage.
Developmental experiences
The formation of our emotional maturity can be influenced by various life events:
- Significant changes in family structure.
- Sudden changes in the environment.
- Long-term illness.
- Difficult experiences in the peer environment.
Social conditioning
The modern world creates specific conditions that can promote the development of infantilism:
- A prolonged period of economic dependence on parents, may support infantilism.
- The strong presence of patterns of immaturity in social media.
- Growing uncertainty in the labor market.
- The blurring of traditional boundaries between childhood and adulthood.
Symptoms of emotional infantilism
Symptoms in the case of infantilism are complex and can manifest themselves in various forms. Psychological inf antilism is a condition in which an adult exhibits traits and behaviors characteristic of children. Below is a more detailed description of the symptoms of this problem.
Childish behavior in an adult
One of the most visible symptoms of emotional infantilism is childish behavior in an adult. Examples of such behavior may include excessive capriciousness, lack of responsibility or inability to accept criticism. An infantile person may have a tendency to be dramatic and overly emotional in everyday situations. Childish behavior may also manifest itself in the form of dependence on others to a degree that is inappropriate for the person’s age. Such adults may often seek the care and protection that children usually receive from their parents.
Avoidance of responsibilities
Another important symptom of emotional infantilism is the avoidance of responsibilities. Infantile people often avoid difficult situations and responsibilities by shifting responsibility to others. They may avoid making decisions that require emotional maturity and consistency, instead relying on others to solve their problems. This attitude can lead to serious problems in professional and personal life, where responsibility and self-reliance are key.
Impulsiveness
Lack of control over emotions is another important symptom of emotional infantilism. An infantile person may show signs of impulsivity, which leads to outbursts of anger or crying in situations that do not require it. Impulsive behavior may be out of proportion to the situation and difficult for those around them to understand. Such adults may react to stress in a childlike manner instead of using age-appropriate coping strategies.
Lack of long-term thinking
An infantile person may also have difficulty planning for the future and making long-term decisions. The lack of long-term thinking manifests itself in an inability to set goals and pursue them. They may live in the moment, focusing on immediate gratification instead of thinking about the consequences of their actions in the future. This way of thinking can lead to financial, professional and personal problems, as these adults are unable to plan and execute actions that benefit them in the long term.
Additional symptoms
Emotional infantilism in an adult can also manifest itself in other, less obvious aspects of life. People with this difficulty may have trouble establishing and maintaining healthy interpersonal relationships, as their childish behavior may be difficult for other adults to accept. They may also have problems accepting social norms and behaving in a manner appropriate to the situation.
Types of emotional infantilism
Emotional infantilism can manifest itself in many different ways. Let’s look at the main types of this phenomenon and their characteristics.
Reactive emotional infantilism
This form manifests itself in the way it reacts to stressful situations and difficulties in life.
Characteristic behaviors:
- Violent outbursts of negative emotions inappropriate to the situation.
- Tendency to dramatize.
- Difficulty in controlling impulses.
- Quickly moving from one extreme emotion to another.
- “All-or-nothing” reactions.
Dependency infantilism
This type of infantilism is characterized by excessive dependence on other people and difficulty in making independent decisions.
Main features:
- Constantly seeking support and validation from others.
- Difficulty in making even simple decisions without consultation.
- Strong fear of self-reliance.
- Tendency to shift responsibility to others.
- The need for the constant presence of a “caregiver” in one’s life.
Social infantilism
Mainly refers to functioning in interpersonal relationships and social contexts.
Key aspects:
- Difficulty understanding and respecting others’ boundaries.
- Problems with empathy.
- Egocentric perception of reality
- Difficulty in building mature peer relationships
- Expectation of special treatment
Cognitive infantilism
This type manifests itself in the way people think and approach problem solving.
Main features:
- Magical thinking.
- Difficulty in long-term planning.
- Problems predicting the consequences of actions.
- Simplified perception of reality.
- Difficulty in abstract thinking.
Infantilism of responsibility
Characterized by avoidance of responsibility and difficulty in fulfilling duties.
Manifestations:
- Chronic postponement of important matters.
- Avoidance of making commitments.
- Problems with financial management.
- Difficulty in meeting deadlines.
- Expecting others to solve problems.
Relational infantilism
Especially applies to functioning in close relationships and romantic relationships.
Characteristic behaviors:
- Expectation of unconditional acceptance of all behavior.
- Difficulty expressing feelings in a mature way.
- Manipulating the emotions of the partner.
- Avoiding serious conversations about the relationship.
- Problems with conflict resolution.
Adaptive infantilism
This form manifests itself in difficulties in adapting to new situations and changes.
Main features:
- Strong resistance to change.
- Rigidity of behavior and thinking.
- Difficulty in assuming new social roles.
- Fear of unfamiliar situations.
- Sticking to familiar patterns of action.
How to recognize emotional infantilism? – Detailed analysis
Emotional infantilism can manifest itself in various areas of life. Here are the most important indicators:
In intimate relationships
- Expecting unconditional acceptance.
- Communicating needs indirectly.
- Using emotional blackmail.
- Avoiding serious conversations.
- Difficulty understanding a partner’s perspective.
In a professional environment
- Difficulty accepting responsibility.
- Hypersensitivity to criticism.
- Need for constant self-affirmation.
- Problems with making decisions independently.
- Frequent disagreements within the team.
In daily functioning
- Postponing important matters until later.
- Inability to manage finances.
- Disorganization in daily responsibilities.
- Lack of long-term planning.
- Dependence on the help of others.
In social relationships
- Strong dependence on the opinions of those around you.
- Instability in friendships.
- Difficulty in resolving conflicts.
- Problems with respecting boundaries.
- Manipulative tendencies in relationships.
An example of infantile behavior in a professional environment
Imagine a situation in the workplace: during a team meeting, suggestions are made to improve a project. A person with traits of emotional infantilism can:
- Perceive constructive criticism as a personal attack.
- React by taking offense or withdrawing.
- Seek allies against the person making the comments.
- Avoid subsequent team meetings.
- Transfer professional frustrations to personal relationships.
Such an example shows how emotional infantilism can affect different spheres of life, creating a vicious cycle of difficulties in professional and personal relationships.
Impact on relationships – the story of Kasia and Tom
Kasia and Tomek have been a couple for 5 years. Tom shows traits of emotional infantilism, which increasingly affects their relationship. When Kasia does not immediately respond to his messages, Tomek inundates her with more, accusing her of not loving him. In conflicts, he often threatens to break up, only to later beg for forgiveness. Kasia feels like a mother to her partner, rather than an equal in the relationship.
In partner relationships, infantile behavior can lead to imbalance and frustration. A partner who manifests such traits may expect the other person to make decisions for him, solve problems and take over responsibility for daily chores. This can lead to a sense of constant burden and fatigue in the partner, which negatively affects harmony in the relationship.
How to deal with emotional infantilism? Treatment of infantilism
The good news is that emotional infantilism can be worked through. The key here is professional psychotherapeutic help, especially cognitive-behavioral therapy(CBT) or schema therapy. In therapy, a person can:
- Understand the sources of his or her childhood reactions.
- Learn more mature ways to deal with emotions.
- Develop the ability to take responsibility for their lives.
- Develop healthier patterns of relationships with others.
Infantile behavior – how to deal with it?
Dealing with emotional infantilism, both in yourself and others, requires understanding and patience. Here are some tips that can help:
- Set boundaries: setting clear and consistent boundaries can help reduce immature behavior. It is important that these boundaries are communicated in an empathetic but firm manner. Avoid leniency, which can perpetuate undesirable behavior;
- Develop self-reliance: encouraging yourself to be independent and make decisions can support your emotional development. Giving responsibility for small tasks and gradually increasing their difficulty can help build confidence and coping skills for adulthood;
- Emotional awareness: working on increasing emotional awareness can be a key element in dealing with infantilism. Learning to recognize and name one’s emotions, as well as understanding their causes, helps to better manage them;
- Self-help: engaging in self-help activities, such as reading personal development books, attending workshops or support groups, can provide additional tools and perspectives to help manage emotional infantilism.
Recognizing traits of emotional infantilism in oneself can be a difficult experience, but at the same time it is the first step toward positive change.
Step 1: Recognize your own patterns
Keeping an observation log
Start by systematically observing your behavior and reactions:
- Write down situations in which you react in an immature manner.
- Note the accompanying emotions.
- Pay attention to the thoughts preceding the reaction.
- Analyze the consequences of your behavior.
Identify triggers
Pay attention to the situations that most often provoke infantile behavior:
- Conflicts with relatives.
- Situations that require responsibility.
- Moments of decision-making.
- Stressful circumstances.
Step 2: Building self-awareness
Working with emotions
- Learn to recognize your emotions:
- Keep a journal of your emotions
- Use an “emotion wheel” to accurately name feelings.
- Observe body reactions associated with different emotions.
- Develop emotional regulation skills:
- Practice breathing techniques.
- Use the STOP method (Stop, Take a Breath, Observe, Act Consciously).
- Use grounding techniques in moments of strong emotion.
Step 3: Develop accountability
Small steps toward self-reliance
- Start by making small decisions on your own.
- Set your own daily schedule and stick to it.
- Take responsibility for specific areas of your life.
- Plan your own finances.
Gradual growth technique
- Choose one area to work on (e.g., financial management).
- Divide it into smaller tasks.
- Start with the easiest items.
- Gradually increase the level of difficulty.
Step 4: Develop mature relationships
Building healthy boundaries
- Learn to say “no.”
- Respect the boundaries of others.
- Communicate your needs in an assertive manner.
- Avoid emotional manipulation.
Practice mature communication
- Use “I” messages instead of accusations.
- Take responsibility for your feelings.
- Listen actively.
- Seek constructive solutions to conflicts.
Step 5: Practical strategies in everyday life
In professional situations
- Create task lists and stick to deadlines.
- Ask for feedback in a constructive way.
- Learn from mistakes instead of avoiding them.
- Develop long-term planning skills.
In personal relationships
- Practice empathy.
- Avoid being dramatic.
- Develop the ability to compromise.
- Learn to accept constructive criticism.
Step 6: Support in development
Work with a professional
- Consider psychotherapy.
- Choose an appropriate therapeutic approach (e.g., CBT, schema therapy).
- Be systematic in working on yourself.
- Give yourself time to change.
Support for loved ones
If you are a loved one of someone who manifests traits of emotional infantilism, be sure to:
- Establishing healthy boundaries.
- Encouraging independence.
- Refraining from bailing on any situation.
- Appreciating attempts at mature behavior.
- Taking care of one’s own needs and boundaries.
Summary
It’s worth remembering that each of us has some childish behaviors in us – it’s natural. The problem arises when these behaviors begin to dominate our lives and make it difficult to build healthy relationships. The good news is that being aware of your own behavioral patterns is half the battle.
Working on our own emotional development is similar to learning a new language – it may seem difficult and unnatural at first, but over time new, more mature ways of responding become our second nature. The key is patience and forbearance with yourself.
Remember:
- Every small step toward greater maturity counts.
- Change takes time, but it is absolutely possible.
- You don’t have to go through the process alone – the support of a therapist can significantly ease the way.
- Your difficulties do not define you – they are merely an area for growth.
Emotional development is a lifelong process. Even people we consider emotionally mature are constantly working on themselves and learning new ways to deal with challenges. The most important thing is to start this journey and not get discouraged by the first difficulties.
Bibliography:
- Bielawski, P. (2020), Psychology of emotions, Warsaw, Psychological Publishing House.
- Nowak, A., & Kowalska, M. (2019), Emotional disorders, Krakow, Medical Publishing House.
- Light, K. (2018), Emotional development of adults, Poznań, Scientific Publishing House.