Phases in borderline personality disorder

Do you ever feel like you’re riding an emotional rollercoaster? For people with borderline personality disorder (BPD), this is a daily occurrence. As a psychotherapist, I often see patients who experience intense mood swings that affect their relationships and self-esteem. In this article, we will take a closer look at what borderline phases are and how to deal with them.

What is borderline personality (BPD)?

Borderline personality disorder, also known as emotionally unstable personality, is more than just a “difficult character.” It’s a complex mental disorder that makes your emotional life resemble a constant roller coaster ride. Imagine your emotions changing so quickly and intensely that it’s hard to keep up with them – that’s exactly how a person with BPD can feel.

The most common symptoms – borderline disorder:

• 🎭 Intense mood swings, emotional instability.
• 💔 Deep fear of abandonment and rejection.
• 🌪️ Unstable interpersonal relationships.
• 🕳️ Persistent feelings of inner emptiness.
• 🎯 Impulsive behavior.
• 🔄 Difficulty maintaining a stable self-image.

Phases of borderline – what goes on in the head of a person with BPD?

A borderline personality experiences two main phases, which can change like a kaleidoscope. Let’s take a look at what they look like in everyday life.

1. Idealization phase – when the world sparkles with all the colors of the rainbow

In this phase, everything seems more intense and beautiful. It’s like falling in love at first sight – but much stronger.

What does it look like in practice?

• When you meet a new person, you feel an immediate, deep bond.
• You feel that finally someone understands you completely.
• You spend every spare moment thinking about this person.
• You share the most intimate details of your life.
• You make plans for your future together, often after just a few meetings.

What goes on in the mind of a borderline personality?

• “This person is absolutely perfect.”
• “I have never felt so understood before”.
• “I finally found/am finding someone who really sees me.”
• “It must be destiny.”

Behaviors typical of this phase:

• Intense involvement in the relationship.
• Neglecting other aspects of life.
• Frequent messaging and need for constant contact.
• Making gifts and pleasant surprises.
• Adjusting one’s plans to suit the other person.

2. Depreciation phase – when you see only blackness

This phase can come suddenly, often triggered by a seemingly trivial event – for example, not writing back to a message fast enough.

What does it look like in practice?

• You notice every, even the smallest flaw in the other person.
• You feel growing anxiety and fear of abandonment.
• Intense anger appears, which can escalate into verbal aggression.
• You experience deep disappointment and feelings of betrayal.
• You may have thoughts of self-harm or self-destructive behavior.

What goes on in the mind of a borderline personality?

• “I knew/that it was too good.”
• “He/she/it will definitely leave me.”
• “I have to do something to stop this person.”
• “No one will ever really love me.”

Behaviors typical of this phase:

• Provoking arguments and conflicts, anger.
• Testing the other person’s boundaries.
• Manipulative behavior (e.g., threatening to break off the relationship).
• Sudden withdrawal from contact.
• Impulsive actions (e.g., impulsiveness, overspending, risky behavior).

Characteristics of the idealization and depreciation phases

What are the characteristics of the idealization phase?

During the idealization phase, we can:

• neglect our own needs,
• make excessive sacrifices for the sake of the relationship,
• forget previously established boundaries,
• feel as if we are one with our partner.

What is characteristic of the depreciation phase?

During the depreciation phase, we can:

• see only the flaws and mistakes of the partner,
• use various manipulative techniques,
• accuse the partner of various wrongdoings (even if we have no evidence for them),
• want to take revenge on the partner (because we think he is the main reason for our failures and bad mood).

The vicious cycle of phases – why is it so difficult?

Moving between phases can be extremely exhausting for both the person with BPD and their loved ones. It’s like an emotional tightrope dance where:

• The idealization phase gives an illusory sense of security and fulfillment.
• The depreciation phase destroys that feeling and confirms the worst fears.
• Fear of abandonment drives destructive behavior.
• Destructive behavior often leads to actual relationship breakdown,
• Relationship breakdown confirms the belief in one’s own invalidity.

How to heal and break this cycle? Schema psychotherapy and stabilization techniques in BPD

Emotional stabilization in borderline is often akin to learning to sail – at first the waves may seem overwhelming, but with the right tools you can learn to navigate even in difficult conditions.

1. Recognizing early signals

• Increased idealizing thoughts.
• Increased intensity of emotions.
• Change in sleep patterns or appetite.
• Sudden changes in life plans.

2. Recognition of dominant patterns

In BPD, the following patterns are most common:

• Abandonment/abandonment pattern
  • Thoughts: “Everyone will leave me.”
  • Reaction: Panic control of the relationship.
  • Therapeutic work: Building a secure relationship with the therapist.
• Vulnerability/shame pattern
  • Thoughts: “I am inferior/worse than others.”
  • Reaction: Avoidance of closeness.
  • Therapeutic work: Restructuring beliefs about self.
• Distrust/harm pattern
  • Thoughts: “No one is trustworthy.”
  • Reaction: Testing the boundaries of others.
  • Therapeutic work: Gradual building of trust.

Practical techniques for stabilization in daily life

1. PLEASE MASTER technique

• Physicalillness treatment.
• Leatingbalanced meals (Balanced meals).
• Exercise(Regular physical activity).
• Avoidmood-altering substances (Avoiding mood-altering substances).
• Sleephygiene (Sleephygiene).
• Engagingactivities (Engaging activities).
• Masteryactivities (Activities that give a sense of control).
• Achievement(Small successes).
• Socialcontact (Social contact).
• Treatphysical discomfort (Taking care of physical comfort).
• Emotionregulation (Regulation of emotions).
• Relaxation(Relaxation).

2. STOP technique for impulsive reactions

• Stop– Take a step back.
• Takea step back –Takea step back.
• Observe–Observeyour emotions.
• Proceedmindfully – Act mindfully.

3. Journal of patterns and modes

• Date and time.
• Trigger situation.
• The activated scheme.
• Dominant mode.
• Intensity of emotions (1-10)
• Stabilizing actions taken.
• Effects.

4. Contingency plan in a crisis

1. List of emergency contacts
   • Therapist.
   • Trusted person.
   • A helpline.
   • As a last resort, an emergency room.
2. Emotional first aid box
   • Soothing music.
   • Sensory objects.
   • Photos to remind you of important relationships.
   • A list of reasons to live.
   • Breathing techniques in written form.
3. A plan of action in a crisis
   • Step 1: Apply grouding techniques
   • Step 2: Contact with a support person.
   • Step 3: Activate learned stabilization techniques.
   • Step 4: Contact a specialist if necessary.

Building a healthy adult lifestyle

The ultimate goal of schema therapy is to strengthen the “healthy adult” – the part of us that can:

• Recognize and name emotions.
• Make informed decisions.
• Take care of one’s own needs.
• Maintain healthy boundaries.
• Build stable relationships.

Practical steps to strengthen a healthy adult

1. Daily practice
   • Regular meditation.
   • Keeping a journal and being in touch with your needs more often.
   • Practicing mindfulness.
   • Taking care of your routine.
2. Working with beliefs
   • Identifying automatic thoughts.
   • Challenging black and white thinking.
   • Seeking evidence for and against.
   • Formulating more adaptive beliefs.
3. Building a network of support
   • Support group.
   • Trusted individuals.
   • Therapy sessions.

Can borderline personality disorder be cured?

While we can’t completely “erase” borderline personality traits, we can learn to manage them. In my therapy practice, schema therapy helps best:

• Understand one’s own patterns of thinking and behavior.
• Develop healthier ways of coping with difficulties.
• Build more stable relationships.
• Strengthen self-esteem.

Summary

Living with borderline can be difficult, but remember – you are not alone. With the right therapeutic support, you can learn to better understand your emotions and build healthier relationships. If you recognize the symptoms described in yourself, I encourage you to consult a specialist.

Bibliography:

Pastuszak, A. (2012). Regulation of emotions in patients with borderline personality disorder – current research directions, Psychiatry Poland, volume XLVI, number 3, pp.401-408.

Talarowska, M., Kobza, R. (2021). Early maladaptive schemas in borderline personality disorder, Neuropsychiatry and Neuropsychology, 16, 1-2, pp.24-31.