You have been dating someone regularly for several months. You talk every day, spend weekends together, and have even met your friends. But when someone asks “are you together?” you fall silent. You don’t know what to answer. Welcome to the world of situationship.
This trend has become almost universal among young adults. According to research, 60% of Americans have had experience with this type of relationship, and Tinder reported a 49% increase in users adding “situationship” to their profiles in 2022. This is no coincidence – we live in a time when traditional relationship patterns are transforming, and the younger generation is looking for new ways to build intimacy.
But is situationship really the solution to modern love problems, or is it perhaps a source of additional complications? How do we recognize when such a relationship serves our good, and when it can harm us? And what to do when we feel we are stuck in this emotional gray area?
What is situationship?
Situationship is a romantic or sexual relationship that lacks clear boundaries, commitments and long-term direction. It is more than a friendship, but at the same time less than a real relationship. The relationship is characterized by several key features that distinguish it from other forms of intimacy.
First of all, the lack of clear boundaries and expectations means that people in situationship often don’t know where they stand. There are no agreements about exclusivity, the future or even what to call what they share. This uncertainty can be both liberating and a source of stress.
The second characteristic is emotional intimacy without commitment. Couples in situationship often share personal experiences, support each other and build a deep bond, but at the same time avoid formal commitment. This is the paradox of modern relationships – we crave intimacy, but fear its consequences.
Inconsistency in communication is another element that defines situationship. People in such a relationship can communicate intensely for days, only to disappear for weeks without explanation. This unpredictability becomes part of the dynamics of the relationship, although it rarely serves the well-being of either party.
Differences from other forms of relationships
To better understand situationship, it is worth comparing it with other forms of relationships. Unlike“friends with benefits,” which is not just about sex, situationship includes a much deeper emotional bond. It’s not just physical intimacy – it’s the sharing of daily life, emotions and experiences.
It differs from casual dating in its greater intensity of contact, but without the progression toward a more committed relationship. People in situationship may spend most of their time together, but still avoid talking about the future or official status.
Compared to a relationship, situationship lacks official commitments and plans for the future. It lacks mutual promises, shared goals or a clear vision of where the relationship is headed.
A situationship type relationship
Behind the popularity of situationship are several psychological mechanisms that are worth understanding to better handle this type of relationship. Attachment theory offers valuable insights into why some people choose this form of relationship.
People with an anxious attachment style may view situationship as a source of intermittent signals of closeness. On the one hand, they get what they crave – attention and emotional connection. On the other hand, however, the lack of clarity about the status of the relationship intensifies their natural fears of rejection. This unpredictability corresponds to their internal relational patterns, although it rarely contributes to their emotional stability and rather intensifies their fear of closeness.
In contrast, people with an avoidant attachment style often prefer situationship because it allows them to maintain emotional distance. They can experience closeness, but without feeling “trapped” in obligations that they perceive as limiting their autonomy.
Contemporary conditioning
Research points to five major themes that emerge in the experiences of people in situationship. The most common is ambiguity in relationships – problematic for most participants in such relationships. It is accompanied by emotional stress manifested by feelings of anxiety, frustration and sadness.
Stress is another element – difficulty concentrating on other areas of life when the mind is constantly analyzing the status of the relationship. Sexual needs play an important role, but often in combination with emotional insecurity. Finally, individual preferences show how differently people respond to this type of arrangement depending on their values and life experiences.
Why does Generation Z choose situationship?
The younger generation is growing up in a world that is very different from the one in which previous relationship patterns were formed. This affects their approach to relationships and explains why situationship is becoming more common.
Fear of commitment often stems from observing parents’ failed relationships or peers’ experiences. Young people see divorces, difficult breakups and emotional harm, making them more cautious about formal commitments. Situationship seems a safer alternative – one can experience intimacy without the risk of a “big failure.”
The impact of social media cannot be underestimated. The ease of keeping in touch with other people at the same time and the constant access to potential partners is changing the way young people think about exclusivity. Why limit yourself to one person when there are so many opportunities around?
The culture of dating apps is also shaping expectations. The abundance of choices can lead to the “grass is greener elsewhere” syndrome. People may hesitate to commit, fearing they are missing out on other options.
The pressures of modern life
The intense lifestyles of young adults – studies, careers, personal development – leave less time and energy for building deep, challenging relationships. Situationship offers intimacy without having to invest all of your emotional and time energy into a relationship.
Psychological reasons also turn on autonomy versus connection – the desire to maintain independence while desiring closeness. For many young people, labels seem outdated, and flexibility in defining relationships meets their need for individuality.
Emotional protection – avoiding the risk of rejection by not engaging fully – is also important. Situationship allows testing boundaries without fully opening up to the other person.
The impact of a situationship type relationship
While situationship may offer some benefits, its impact on mental health can often be problematic. Uncertainty and anxiety are probably the most common consequences of this type of relationship. Lack of clarity about the status of the relationship can lead to chronic stress that affects daily functioning.
Self-esteem problems pose another threat. When we don’t know if we are important enough to the other person to want to formally commit to us, it’s easy to start questioning our own worth. This is especially acute for people who have already struggled with low self-esteem.
Difficulty planning for the future is a practical aspect of situationship’s impact on life. The unpredictability of relationships makes it difficult to make life decisions – from weekend plans to decisions about careers or where to live.
Empirical evidence
A study of 100 psychology students found a weak but significant negative correlation between situationship and psychological well-being. Similar results were found for relationship satisfaction. Although the correlations were not strong, they were statistically significant, suggesting a real impact on well-being.
Mechanisms of detrimental influence include a state of constant uncertainty about what to expect from the relationship. Isolation is another problem – it is difficult to seek support from friends or family when we ourselves cannot explain what we have in common with the other person.
Unspoken conflicts add to the burden. Without a clear relationship framework, it’s difficult to solve problems or express dissatisfaction. This leads to the accumulation of frustrations and resentments.
Recognizing warning signs
How can you recognize that you are in situationship? Here are some major signs that can help you identify this type of relationship:
The relationship has no label – you avoid naming what you have in common. When someone asks about your status, you feel uncomfortable or answer evasively. This is the first and most obvious signal.
You are inconsistent in your contacts – sometimes you talk every day, and sometimes you don’t speak for a week without explanation. This unpredictability becomes the norm, although it is not comfortable for either party.
The relationship seems stalled at one stage. There is no progression, development or deepening of the relationship. You have been dating this person for months, but nothing changes – neither for better nor for worse.
You feel confused or anxious about the relationship. You don’t know what to expect, how to behave or what to dream about. This uncertainty becomes a source of chronic stress.
You are not part of the social circle. Although you spend a lot of time together, you have not been introduced to family or close friends as someone important.
Further alarm signals
You plan everything at the last minute – no long-term plans or joint projects. Everything happens spontaneously, as if the other person doesn’t want to commit even to next weekend’s plans.
There is always the possibility of cancellation. Your plans are never a priority, and the other person often changes arrangements without much explanation or apology.
Both of you meet with other people. It may not be overt, but you feel that you are not the only person in your partner’s life and exclusivity has never been discussed. It is often understated but you feel that you can see each other, date other people.
You have never been on a real date. Your encounters are limited to informal situations – watching movies at home, quick meetings or parties with friends.
You hardly talk to each other about important things. You avoid serious topics about feelings, the future or what you expect from a relationship.
You are not part of his/her plans for the future. When they talk about their dreams, goals or life plans, you don’t appear in them.
Coping strategies
If you have recognized the characteristics of situationship in your relationship, you have several options. Your choice should depend on whether you are satisfied with the current situation or desire a change.
If you are satisfied with the situationship
Some people actually feel comfortable in this type of relationship. If this is your case, it is important that you consciously manage the situation:
Communicate your needs clearly, even if you don’t want an official relationship. Tell the other person what you expect and what you don’t. It may be paradoxical, but even relationships without commitments need some arrangements.
Set healthy boundaries. Determine what is acceptable to you and what is not. This may include frequency of contact, other relationships or the way you communicate.
Review your feelings regularly. Situationship can evolve, and your needs may change. Be honest with yourself about whether it still suits you.
If you want a change
When you feel that Situationship doesn’t serve you or you want something more, it’s time to act:
Be honest about your feelings. Tell the other person how you feel and what you want. This can be a difficult conversation, but it is necessary.
Ask for what you want. If you want an official relationship, make it clear. Don’t leave the other party room for interpretation.
Be prepared for different scenarios. The other person may not be ready for what you want. Think beforehand about how you will react to such an answer.
How to end situationship?
If you decide that the best solution is to end the relationship:
- Create emotional distance. Start slowly reducing the intensity of contact and emotional involvement.
- Break off contact if necessary. Sometimes the only way out of a toxic relationship is to stop communication altogether.
- Focus on yourself. Use the time and energy you previously invested in an insecure relationship for personal development or other areas of your life.
- Seek support from friends, family or a therapist. Ending any relationship can be difficult, even if it has been a source of stress.
When to seek professional help
Some signals indicate that it is worth consulting a psychologist or therapist – online psychotherapy.
- Chronic anxiety, regarding the relationship – if uncertainty about the relationship dominates your thoughts and affects other areas of your life.
- Problems concentrating in daily life – if thoughts about the relationship get in the way of work, study or other activities.
- Decline in self-esteem – when you begin to question your self-worth due to lack of clarity in the relationship.
- Social isolation – when you avoid friends or family because you can’t explain your relational situation.
- Symptoms of depression – feelings of sadness, hopelessness or lack of energy related to your emotional situation.
Available forms of support include individual therapy, support groups for people in similar situations, CBT therapy or, if your partner is willing, couples therapy.
Building healthy relationships in the future
The experience of situationship, while it can be painful, offers valuable lessons for the future. The key is to reflect on patterns – recognizing the recurring patterns in your relationships and understanding what draws you to them.
Building self-esteem is the foundation of healthy relationships. When you know what you deserve, it’s easier to communicate your needs and maintain boundaries.
Learning assertive communication allows you to clearly express expectations without aggression or manipulation. It’s a skill that will come in handy in any relationship.
Proximity – a guide to relationships
Clearly communicating needs from the beginning of a relationship can prevent many problems. Don’t be afraid to talk about your expectations and ask about the other party’s expectations.
Setting boundaries from the beginning will help avoid misunderstandings. Determine what is important to you and stick to those agreements.
Looking for a partner who is ready to commit means paying attention to actions, not just words. Observe whether the other person consistently behaves in ways that indicate a desire to build a permanent relationship.
Working on your own attachment style can help you build healthier relationship patterns. Understanding your emotional needs and how you respond to intimacy is a key part of personal development.
Summary
Situationship is a phenomenon specific to our times – a response to changing social norms, technology and the way young people live. While it can offer a certain level of closeness and intimacy, it often comes at an emotional cost.
The key takeaway from our analysis is that not all situationship is harmful, but all require a conscious approach and clear communication. Regularly reviewing your needs and feelings helps determine whether such a relationship still serves you.
Don’t be afraid to express your feelings and expectations. You deserve clarity and respect in any relationship, even informal ones. If you feel the situation does not serve you, you have the right to seek a change.
Remember that relationship problems are a normal part of the human experience. Don’t hesitate to seek help when needed – whether from friends, family or professionals.
At the end of the day, the most important thing is for you to remember your worth. Regardless of your relationship status, you deserve respect, honesty and care. Situationship can be a stop on the road to better understanding yourself and your emotional needs, but it doesn’t have to be a permanent home.
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https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12119-025-10402-8