Modes in schema therapy are one of the basic elements of the therapeutic process. Although the concept itself gives the impression of being quite complicated, it is not so at all. In this article, I will try to introduce the concept itself and talk about what modes are, detail the types of modes and the value they bring to problem-solving work.
What is a mode?
Is it possible that one moment we feel completely neutral, and the next moment we feel sad and lonely? The answer is – of course, such sudden mood changes are experienced by many people.
A mode can be defined as an emotional state or mood that occurs at a given moment. These moments are the inflammatory factors of modes, such as a memory from the past, an unpleasant situation in a relationship, criticism from others, etc. When describing a mode, we always talk about what is happening here and now in the realm of our emotions and thoughts. A single mode can be an expression of multiple patterns (i.e., patterns), e.g., abandonment, distrust, or vulnerability to injury.
When everything in our lives goes on without major problems or worries, we may seem unchanged to ourselves – calm and stable. However, imagine a person in whom a pattern of vulnerability to injury is at work. During the period of experiencing the pandemic time in such a person, completely new states, modes may activate. He begins to feel fear and anxiety, may feel like a small child who needs help and care. Then the person may feel the mode of a sensitive child. In order to cope with the anxiety, he begins to “switch” to coping strategies related to compensation, that is, balancing certain deficits or unmet needs through intensified activities in another area. For example, he begins to over-control his health and environmental conditions in order to try to calm himself down in this way.
Another example is a person who is very socially active and focused on the attention of his surroundings and his appearance. Let’s say she works out at the gym every other day, goes out on dates or clubs with friends. During the period when she is deprived of all these activities, she begins to feel loneliness and emptiness. The so-called childish modes, associated with sadness and loneliness, may then be activated. When she is inactive and feels that she has gained weight, she may attack her appearance and figure (in which we see the emergence of the punishing parent mode), which ultimately leads her to even greater levels of sadness and resignation.
Categories of modes in schema therapy
Child modes
When the child mode is triggered, it feels as if we go back in time, returning with our emotions to similar situations we experienced as children. The adult, in a sense, becomes a child again.
The mode is rooted in childhood experiences, but is often triggered in adulthood. Situations that trigger our childhood modes are at some level similar to experiences we had in childhood, e.g. a very unpleasant, humiliating experience with an adult.
- The sensitive child mode – is based on childhood experiences when the most important emotional needs were not sufficiently met. Being in this state, we feel vulnerable, undeserving of love; we feel emptiness and loneliness.
- Angry child mode – in this case, basic emotional (or physical) needs unmet in childhood cause feelings of anger and frustration today. We can express anger in inappropriate ways, often hurting those around us. This emotion gets out of control mainly when our boundaries and autonomy are threatened.
- Impulsive/disciplined child mode – we act according to our desires or impulses, often in an uncontrolled way, without thinking about the consequences. We don’t tolerate restraint, and have trouble deferring pleasure (e.g., we overeat).
- Happy child mode – in this state we feel safe, loved, accepted. As a result, we react spontaneously, express ourselves and our experiences. We allow ourselves to have fun, be optimistic, be here and now.
Modes of coping
Coping modes are strategies that in childhood allowed us to survive difficult moments when emotional needs were not met. When we didn’t want to feel sadness, fear or shame, these strategies proved to be a lifesaver. However, in adulthood they may no longer serve us – on the contrary, they interfere with our daily functioning.
Coping strategies through subjugation
Finding ourselves in a painful situation reminiscent of childhood experiences, we do not try to change it. We are overwhelmed by a sense of helplessness and lack of influence – often observed in this strategy. We succumb to a pattern of passive submission. According to the so-called self-fulfilling prophecy, everything is as it was supposed to be, which is bad. We are still actors in the same movie based on an unfavorable script. Such a conviction tends to reinforce itself, because it is easy to interpret events in life as confirmation of it. In the long run, it leads to not satisfying one’s own needs. An example of this is persisting in a violent relationship. The patient/survivor does not get out of it, surrendering to the belief that he/she does not have the power to change his/her situation – just as he/she did in childhood.
Coping strategy through avoidance
A person avoids engaging in activities that potentially trigger patterns (established patterns) and the negative emotions associated with them. An example would be forgoing social gatherings to avoid judgment or feelings of shame. Limitations resulting from avoidance (e.g., lack of contact with people) result in feelings of emptiness, lack. Reduced active participation in life, blocks satisfaction of needs and can contribute to the development of mental disorders (such as depression, social phobia) and abuse of harmful substances.
Coping strategy through compensation
This is a strategy in which we try to be strong and controlling. We often deny the experience of unrealized emotional needs in childhood. By acting in the opposite direction, we try to cover deeply hidden feelings of vulnerability, loneliness, shame. An example of this is a person who, through loud behavior and vying for the attention of company, compensates for the sense of low self-worth he acquired in childhood.
Maladaptive parental modes
Through the process of learning by modeling, i.e. imitating behavior observed in the environment, the child internalizes a very important pattern: he begins to treat himself in the same way his parents treat him. This pattern remains in us for a very long time – it is also present in adult life. Thus, if the relationship was abnormal, the internalized parental modes represent the various ways in which we, already as adults, can be the worst enemies to ourselves.
The mode of the punishing parent
Being in this mode, we attack ourselves, criticizing ourselves for who we are, convinced that we deserve to be punished for our needs or showing them. In the punishing parent mode, the tone of the inner voice is harsh, critical and ruthless. Signs of this mode include self-loathing, self-criticism, anger at oneself, and lack of forgiveness.
The demanding parent mode
This part constantly pressures and pressures the child (i.e. ourselves or the people around us) to meet excessively high standards. This demanding parent expects perfection, performance; does not allow time to be wasted. It is inappropriate to express feelings or act spontaneously. Feelings of failure and fear of being inadequate are common in this mode.
Solution: healing from relational trauma
Of course, the ideal version would be if in childhood our emotions were properly regulated, anxiety was soothed, while we ourselves – even later as adults – had contact with our happy child. However, even if conditions in childhood were not so favorable, working in a model such as schema therapy allows us to correct learned patterns in a certain way and thus transform our lives. The two most important modes that are developed and strengthened during the therapeutic process are: the happy child mode and the healthy adult mode. Mode models in schema therapy give direction and allow us to strengthen and enlarge our resources.
The main goal of therapy is to heal from relational trauma, which relates to unmet needs during childhood, for example, in the relationship with the mother. In this regard, it is essential to recognize the modes and assertively oppose harmful parental modes and push back or minimize some coping strategies, finally -to access and respond to the child’s needs.
When we learn to take care of ourselves in the therapy process, we will become better and better at meeting our needs in the present. We will develop our healthy adult mode, which will help us adapt properly to reality. We will be able to integrate our thoughts with our experiences – we will become more connected to ourselves.
Are you interested in this type of therapy? Make an appointment – online psychotherapy.
Bibliography:
Michiel van Vreeswijk , Jenny Broersen , Marjon Nadort, Wiley-Blackwell Handbook of Schema Therapy: Theory, Research and Practice, Wiley-Blackwell 2012, ISBN: 978-0-470-97561-9
Ida A. Shaw, Joan M. Farrell, Experiencing Schema Therapy from the Inside Out, The Guilford Press 2018 ISBN-10: 1462533280
Eckhard Roediger, Bruce A. Stevens, Contextual Schema Therapy: An Integrative Approach to Personality Disorders, Emotional Dysregulation, and Interpersonal Functioning, Context Press 2018, ISBN-10: 9781684030958
Jacob Gitta Arnoud Arntz, Schema Therapy in Practice. Working with Schema Modes, GWP 2019, ISBN: 978-83-7489-799-0