Life is unpredictable. Every day we face challenges that we are not always ready for. These sudden changes can be overwhelming. We may feel lost and exhausted by fears of the unknown and uncertain. Sometimes this fear can even dominate our everyday lives and affect our careers, personal goals, and relationships with other people. Where does our fear of change come from? Can it be tamed? How can we prevent it from winning?
What is fear of change?
Many people associate change with something exciting. It is an opportunity for new experiences, a new beginning, and growth. However, change also brings uncertainty. And uncertainty can take root in our minds and repeat intrusively: Why do you need this? What if it gets worse? What if it doesn’t work out at all? You’ll regret it!
Fear of change is an intense feeling of inner anxiety and other difficult emotions. Sometimes it can manifest itself through somatic symptoms related to the digestive, respiratory, and circulatory systems. Fear is caused not only by directly experiencing change, but even by thinking about it.
What does a person with fear of change fear?
– stepping outside their comfort zone,
– disruption of their stable, predictable rhythm of life,
– being forced to adapt to a new reality.
Change is difficult. Symptoms of fear of change
The symptoms of fear of change can vary and depend on the person and the context of the change. Some of the most common symptoms of fear of change are:
- Anxiety – feeling tense or uncertain about the upcoming change.
- Emotional tension – intensification of feelings such as frustration, irritation, or sadness.
- Stress as a reaction to uncertainty and lack of control over the future.
- Risk aversion and fear of the uncertainty that change brings.
- Resistance to change, especially if it involves moving away from a familiar and comfortable routine.
- Physical symptoms: headache, muscle tension, sleep, appetite, or digestive disorders.
- Feeling lost or confused when the old order of things begins to change.
- Lack of motivation to take action due to feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of change.
- Excessive control of the situation to avoid uncertainty.
- Panic attacks and other symptoms characteristic of anxiety disorders may also occur.
Fear of change – is it natural? Should we be afraid?
Change, especially big change, evokes different (and sometimes conflicting) emotions. Sometimes, each of us worries about what a rapidly changing reality will bring and wonders if it would be better to maintain the status quo. It is natural that not all of us always look forward to new experiences and sensations. A predictable life without any major surprises may seem quite sufficient.
However, change is inevitable. Even the smallest changes. And if our fears of change grow to enormous proportions, preventing us from making decisions and paralyzing our actions, we are unable to function properly. We are faced with fear that exceeds our ability to cope. Such fear needs to be examined.
How does fear affect our perception of change?
An anxious attitude toward change translates into a tendency to think about it only in negative terms. This means that our thoughts are subject to cognitive distortions, such as black-and-white thinking or catastrophizing (read: cognitive distortions).
We then believe that every change is:
- a disruption of the established order,
- a loss of stable ground under our feet,
- a crisis, a storm of unpleasant emotions and paralyzing stress,
- a danger from which we must protect ourselves.
Meanwhile, change is very often:
- new, even exciting experiences,
- an extra dose of motivation to act,
- situations that bring us closer to achieving our goals,
- development (gaining competence, skills, and practical knowledge),
- an opportunity to learn about ourselves: how we cope, what we like, what we find difficult, and what is worth working on.
When we are overcome by a strong fear of change, it is difficult to see any positive aspects. What is more, viewing change as our worst enemy only makes the situation worse, leading to an accumulation of emotions.
How do we try to avoid change?
There are many ways in which we try to avoid change in our lives. Here are some common strategies we use:
- we are overly cautious,
- we try to withdraw from the situation and escape from it,
- we postpone making decisions,
- we cling to our established habits,
- we minimize the need for change by convincing ourselves that the current situation is good enough or that change is not necessary,
- we engage in other activities to distract ourselves, such as browsing social media, watching TV, or going shopping.
Fear of change in professional life. How does fear of change manifest itself at work?
Fear of change can manifest itself both in our private lives and at work. It causes us to avoid responsibility, abandon tasks we have started, and shy away from interacting with customers and our team. For a supervisor, such behavior is often a big surprise, especially when observed in brilliant, committed, and competent employees.
The effect of counterproductive commitment is often cited here. To illustrate this, let’s use an example:
Three months ago, Ewa was given a big responsibility. She was to lead an advertising campaign for a new line of cosmetic products. Her boss expected Ewa to energetically get to work and put all her energy into the project. However, after two weeks, the project had not moved forward at all.
When called in for a meeting, Ewa admitted that the delay was her fault. She had not managed to assemble a team and assign tasks on time. She assured him that she would now pull herself together and come out on top. But as the days passed, there was no sign of progress.
Meanwhile, Ewa was paralyzed by fear, not of the campaign itself, but of not preparing it to a sufficiently high standard. When entrusting her with the campaign, her boss said: “Through this project, you will show everyone how it’s done — you will become recognizable throughout the company.” And although Ewa wanted the project to be successful, she was paralyzed by the thought that the campaign would not turn out to be as brilliant, powerful, and effective as others expected her to be—and that the stressful change in her exposure within the company would be accompanied by widespread disappointment.
So what is this contradictory commitment effect? It is a mechanism that tries to protect us from what we fear: exposure, publicity, evaluation, greater responsibility, new duties… Therefore, even though we may be very keen to do a good job, we fail: we block new activities in order to avoid change.
Fear of change in our personal lives. Painful decisions are difficult to deal with
We also encounter fear of change in our everyday lives. It makes us maintain toxic relationships, stay in relationships with no future, and stick to old habits that destroy our health. It makes us devote time to activities that we do not enjoy and live in a place where we do not want to be.
This happens when we perceive every change as something foreign, uncertain, and threatening. We then prefer to remain in our orderly reality, even if it does not satisfy us at all. We avoid anything new and instead cling to what is proven and familiar.
Examples of fear of change
We may fear all kinds of change, from major life events to much smaller, everyday situations.
Below are some examples of situations that cause fear of change:
- marriage,
- promotion,
- divorce,
- job loss,
- moving house,
- travel abroad,
- breakups, end of a relationship,
- retraining,
- retirement,
- change of field of study,
- adult child moving out,
- implementation of new technology at work,
- decision to move in with a partner,
- registering your own business,
- a major lifestyle change, e.g. starting regular exercise, giving up harmful habits, going on a diet.
Reasons for fear of change
Fear of the unknown
Change always brings some degree of uncertainty. No one can predict all of its consequences. It is associated with something unknown – something that may make us happy, but may also disappoint us.
For people struggling with a strong fear of change, the unknown and uncertain seem to be a huge threat. This triggers a desire to stick with what is familiar, safe, and predictable. For example…
In a few days, Ania will receive the keys to a newly renovated, large apartment in the center of Warsaw. Finally, she will have a large office to work in and a living room with a view of greenery.
But she is not calm at all. She is worried whether she has made the right decision. Maybe the new place will not be so comfortable after all? Maybe the neighbors will turn out to be annoying? Or maybe the city center will be too noisy for her? Or maybe a 30-year mortgage is too risky a decision?
The belief that we are “not good enough”
Sometimes we can be our own harshest critics. We undermine our own abilities, dwell on our failures, and point out all our shortcomings—both real and imagined. When we think about the future, we prepare ourselves not for success and interesting experiences, but for failure and disappointment. By adopting this attitude, aren’t we clipping our own wings from the start?
We convince ourselves that we are not experienced enough
- experienced enough to start a business and develop it successfully,
- independent enough to break up with a toxic partner and start a new life,
- wise enough to start an internship at a reputable company,
- good enough to fulfill our own desires and dreams.
Other reasons for fear of change include perfectionism, a negative view of the future, fear of failure, and interpretations of past experiences that have led to the belief that change is bad.
How to overcome fear? How to be less afraid?
Are you about to face a change? You can start preparing for it now. There are several ways to make this process easier.
Focus on the positives
Recognize the benefits that change will bring you. Take a moment for deeper reflection and think about the broader context. Ask yourself:
What good will this change bring me? How will it change my life?
How will my loved ones benefit from it?
Accept the difficulties
Change does not have to be perfect. You may encounter various difficulties along the way, but that does not mean it is not worth going through. Treat these complications as challenges that are an integral part of any change. Dealing with them will teach you something new, strengthen you, and ultimately bring you satisfaction.
Take action!
What can you do right now to get used to the change? If you are moving soon, write down everything you need to remember: picking up the keys, buying a new suitcase, preparing documents, transporting furniture. And if you are about to start a new job, you can start reading about what you will be doing today – with curiosity and peace of mind.
Take action to tame your fear. These can be quite small activities to start with. At the same time, you will also look at change as a list of tasks to be completed – something that can be broken down into smaller elements that are easier to deal with and overcome.
Check your feelings
What do you think when you hear the word “change”?
How do you react when the possibility of change arises?
What fears does it raise in you?
Do you notice any changes in your body?
Or do you experience different emotions?
Take a look at how fear affects you
How much does fear of change inhibit your actions? Has it stopped you from moving, quitting your job, or ending an unsuccessful relationship?
Try to identify the areas where it is most prevalent. Does it mainly affect your personal life or your work? Does it usually arise when you face major life changes? Or does it also interfere with much smaller ones?
Think about how long you have been dealing with fear
How long have you been experiencing fear of change? The kind that is unpleasant for you?
Do you feel like you have always had this fear?
Or can you recall an event after which your fear intensified?
Imagine that this fear is diminishing…
Fear cannot be completely removed. Anyway, its complete elimination would not be good for us at all, because it encourages us to be cautious, analyze possible consequences, and prevents us from taking rash actions. But only when its level is not too high, otherwise it overwhelms and paralyzes us.
When you feel less anxious, ask yourself:
How do you feel?
What opportunities have just opened up for you?
What changes do you want to make in your life now?
What values do you want to honor during the change?
How to tame fear?Psychotherapy is an important step in taming fear.
It is worth remembering that fear of change is a natural phenomenon and can be a reaction to various factors, such as fear of the unknown, loss of control, or the need to adapt to new situations. In some cases, this fear can be helpful because it motivates you to take action and do things to get used to the change or prepare for it thoroughly. However, when this fear becomes an obstacle to functioning or negatively affects your quality of life, it is worth seeking the support of a specialist, such as a psychologist or psychotherapist.
Fear of change often cannot be eliminated or significantly reduced overnight. Its causes may be hidden deep within our psyche. To reach them, we must look at how we perceive ourselves and the world around us. Each of us has our own set of beliefs that organize reality.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy focuses on reaching internal beliefs and modifying them.
Cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy also supports:
– understanding why change causes us so much anxiety,
– identifying the thoughts that lie at the root of our fear of change,
– realizing that not every such thought has to correspond to reality,
– using techniques to cope with the flood of difficult thoughts and feelings of inner anxiety.
When we are faced with fear of change, it is not easy to decide to undergo psychotherapy. After all, therapy itself is a path to many life changes, sometimes even profound ones. However, it is worth giving it a chance. Why?
Because each session is an opportunity to:
- discover the sources of your fear of change,
- learn about your unmet needs,
- gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your reactions,
- calming your inner fears and taking care of your emotions,
- learning new methods of coping with the fear of change.
Remember—fear does not have to control your life. Even if you are currently overwhelmed by its intensity, know that it does not have to be this way and that with the right help, you can significantly improve the quality of your functioning in change.
Bibliography:
Kagan, R. (2012). The real reasons for resistance to change,Harvard Business Review Polska, pp. 156-167.