Imagine that you wake up in the morning and the first thought that pops into your head is: “What if something goes wrong today?”. And then another, “What if I can’t find parking before work?”, “What if my boss is unhappy with the project?”, “What if…”. This vicious cycle of endless “what ifs” is a daily reality for millions of people struggling with intolerance of uncertainty.
If you recognize yourself in this description, you are not alone. Intolerance of uncertainty is affecting more and more people in our rapidly changing world, where predictability has become a luxury and control of the future an impossible dream.
What exactly is intolerance of uncertainty?
Intolerance of uncertainty is much more than simple worry or fear of the unknown. It is a deep-seated personality trait that makes any situation without a guarantee of a positive outcome a source of intense anxiety.
People with high intolerance of uncertainty live in the belief that:
- They must be 100% sure of the outcome before they take any action.
- Even a minimal risk of something going wrong means that one must prepare for the worst.
- Unforeseen events are always dangerous and require immediate resolution.
This is not mere caution – it’s a mindset that can completely paralyze life.
Two faces of intolerance of uncertainty
Psychological research distinguishes two main dimensions of this phenomenon:
- Future-focused intolerance – is the belief that anything unpredictable will be painful and difficult to bear. People with this type of intolerance often say, “I can’t stand not knowing what will happen.”
- Inhibitory intolerance – occurs when the slightest doubt blocks us so much that we stop acting. “Since I’m not 100% sure, I’d better not do anything.” – is characteristic thinking for this dimension.
The first type leads more often to chronic anxiety and depression, while the second type leads to obsessive-compulsive behavior and complete avoidance of challenges.
The trap of “positive” worrying
Here’s a paradox that may surprise you: people with insecurity intolerance often see their worrying as something good and useful.
Have you ever heard such thoughts from yourself or others?
- “The more I prepare for the worst, the less it will surprise me.”
- “If I worry, it means I am responsible.”
- “By worrying, I can prevent bad things from happening.”
- “Worrying prevents me from thinking about even worse things.”
These are all positive meta-convictions about worry – beliefs that make worrying our main strategy for dealing with uncertainty. The problem is that this strategy works like a drug – it gives temporary relief, but makes the problem worse in the long term.
The vicious cycle of anxiety
Here’s how it works in practice:
- An uncertain situation arises (such as a meeting with the boss).
- We start to worry (“What if he’s unhappy?”).
- Worry gives the illusion of control (“I prepare for the worst”).
- We briefly feel better (“At least I’m doing something constructive”).
- But uncertainty remains, so worry intensifies.
- A belief develops that worry is the only protection against chaos.
And the circle closes, and we get stuck in it deeper and deeper.
How intolerance of uncertainty affects daily life
Decision paralysis
Do you happen to spend hours analyzing every option before making even a simple decision? This is one of the most common symptoms of uncertainty intolerance.
A real-life example: for two weeks Anna couldn’t decide on a language course, because “what if it turns out to be too difficult?”, “what if I don’t have time?”, “what if the teacher is not good?”. In the end, she didn’t sign up at all, because “it was safer to stay with the old one.”
Procrastination due to fear
Paradoxically, people with intolerance of uncertainty often put off important things indefinitely. Why? Because they would rather live in uncertainty than face the possibility of failure.
Controlling everything and everyone
“I need to know where you are at all times”, “I need a detailed plan for the whole day”, “I can’t function when something doesn’t go according to plan” – sound familiar?
This isn’t pedantry or perfectionism – it’s a desperate attempt to create a safe bubble of predictability in an unpredictable world.
Why do attempts to increase certainty work against us?
Here’s another paradox: the more we try to control and predict everything, the greater our intolerance of uncertainty becomes.
Think of it as a muscle – if you never use it, it weakens. The same with uncertainty tolerance – the less we experience it, the harder it becomes to bear.
Life experiments that prove it
- Checking your phone 50 times a day doesn’t increase certainty – it only makes you addicted to immediate answers.
- Preparing for every possible scenario doesn’t give you control – it only exhausts you mentally.
- Avoiding insecure situations doesn’t reduce anxiety – it only narrows our life and our exploration of its various shades.
How to develop a tolerance for uncertainty – how to cope?
- “Maybe yes, maybe no” technique
Instead of looking for 100% certainty, practice saying to yourself, “Maybe yes, maybe no – both are ok.”
Practical exercise: For a week, every time you catch yourself thinking “I need to know for sure…”, add: “…but I can also live with uncertainty.”
- Exposure to small uncertainties
Start by consciously introducing small uncertainties into your life:
- Go to a new restaurant without checking the menu beforehand.
- Pick a movie at random instead of reading all the reviews.
- Leave your phone at home for an hour’s walk.
- Make an appointment with a friend without a predetermined plan.
Remember: The goal is not to eliminate all worries, but to learn that you can live with uncertainty.
- Challenging positive beliefs about worrying
Ask yourself questions:
- “Does my worrying actually prevent bad things from happening?”.
- “How many times has what I have been worrying about actually happened?”.
- “Can I be a responsible person without worrying all the time?”
- The “Friendly Guide” technique
Imagine talking to yourself as if you were a good friend. Instead of: “I’m an idiot for worrying,” say: “I understand that you are feeling insecure right now. That’s natural. We can go through this feeling together. “
- Practice mindfulness for uncertainty
When feelings of uncertainty arise:
- Stop and notice what is happening in your body
- Name the feeling: “Now I feel the anxiety associated with uncertainty”
- Breathe calmly and let the feeling be
- Don’t run away from the feeling by acting immediately
Psychotherapy – when to seek professional help?
Intolerance of uncertainty becomes a problem that requires help when:
- Paralyzes making basic life decisions
- It affects relationships – you control or avoid other people
- Limits your development – you give up professional or personal opportunities
- Causes constant anxiety that impedes daily functioning
- Leads to compulsive behavior – checking, questioning, avoiding
Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) has been shown to be very effective in treating uncertainty intolerance. The therapist will help you identify harmful thought patterns and teach you specific techniques for dealing with uncertainty.
Living with uncertainty can be our strength
Here’s a truth to realize: uncertainty is not a problem to be solved, but an integral part of life to be accepted.
People who have learned to live with uncertainty often describe it as tremendously liberating. Suddenly:
- They make decisions faster and with more confidence.
- They enjoy spontaneity instead of fearing it.
- They are more creative – because they are not blocked by fear of unpredictable outcomes.
- They build deeper relationships – because they don’t try to control other people.
A new perspective: uncertainty as adventure
Try to think of uncertainty not as a threat, but as an opportunity. Every uncertain situation is an opportunity:
- Discovering something new about yourself.
- Developing coping skills.
- Experience spontaneous joy.
- To build self-confidence by overcoming a challenge.
Summary – the first step is acceptance
Changing intolerance of uncertainty does not mean becoming a carefree or irresponsible person. It means becoming a person who can act wisely even when he doesn’t have all the answers.
Your first step: For the next week, simply notice when the intolerance of uncertainty shows up in you. Don’t try to change it – just be aware of it. This is already a big step forward.
Remember: every great traveler knows that the most beautiful discoveries await where the maps end. Maybe it’s time to allow a little more adventure in your life?
Bibliography:
- Meslin (2020) – paper on intolerance of uncertainty in anxiety disorders
- Grzegorzewski (2003) – paper on intolerance of ambiguity
Useful resources:
https://www.psychologytools.com/professional/mechanisms/intolerance-of-uncertainty