Karpman’s drama triangle. How to get out of the roles: victim, persecutor, savior?

Relationship dynamics are often based on predictable patterns. Unfortunately, they are not always conducive to proper communication and building healthy bonds.

The drama triad is a useful theory to help understand the dynamic patterns of human interaction. This type of triad often occurs in family and friendship systems, as well as in the workplace. The drama triangle can also reflect broader social or cultural patterns.

Learn what a drama triangle is, how to recognize it, and how to change established roles.

Karpman’s drama triangle

The drama triangle, also known as Karpman’s triangle, is a concept in psychology and transactional analysis. It was developed by Stephen Karpman in the 1960s. It describes a dysfunctional pattern of interpersonal interactions in which participants assume one of three roles:

1. Victim – feels powerless, helpless, abused and unable to solve their problems.
2. The persecutor – criticizes, blames and pressures others, often doing so in order to control.
3. Deliverer – tries to save the victim, often against his or her will or ability.

Drama triangle – key features

• The roles in the triad are fluid and can change during the interaction, depending on the context and needs.
• Participants enter into a role largely on an unconscious and automatic level.
• This pattern leads to conflict and hinders healthy communication.
• The drama triangle maintains dysfunctional relationships, leaving problems unresolved.

Victim, persecutor, savior. Why am I in a certain role?

The experience of participating in a drama triangle in the past can have a negative impact on building current relationships. For example, parentification and functioning in the role of rescuer in the family system as a child affects current relationships: a person in the present often experiences excessive responsibility for others, helping his relatives, judging them as weaker, entering into his established role. As a result, he falls into a cycle of repeated conflicts and tensions, because although the role of rescuer may seem glorious, in fact it serves no one.

Interactions in the triad

The victim, the persecutor and the savior interact, creating a cycle of dysfunctional behavior. Each role reinforces and sustains the others, andeach may derive some psychological benefit from participation in the triad. For example, the victim may avoid responsibility, while the savior has the opportunity to feel needed.

In this triad, the victim loses touch with her own hostility and anger, instead projecting these emotions onto the persecutor. He also disconnects his sense of responsibility and personal competence, which in turn are projected onto the rescuer.

The persecutor, on the other hand, avoids experiencing his own vulnerability, so he projects it onto the victim. The rescuer – cannot bear both vulnerability and hostility in himself and projects them onto the other two roles in the drama triangle, the victim and the persecutor, respectively. At the same time, he tries to rescue the victim in such a way as to “remove both hostility and vulnerability from the scene” (Hughes and Pengelly, 1997. p. 101).

The specifics of the interaction

(a) Victim → Stalker:

• Provokes criticism or attacks.
• May react passively-aggressively to pressure.

(b) Persecutor → Victim:

• Criticizes, blames, exerts pressure.
• May use various forms of manipulation.

(c) Deliverer → Victim:

• Offers help, often uninvited.
• May belittle the victim’s ability to cope independently.

(d) Victim → Deliverer:

• Seeks help and support.
• May emotionally manipulate to get help.

e) Persecutor → Deliverer:

• May criticize for a “soft”, permissive approach to the Victim
• Sometimes competes for control over the Victim

f) Deliverer → Persecutor:

• May try to “convert” or change the Persecutor
• Sometimes stands in opposition, creating a new conflict

Unmet needs in a drama triangle. How can relationships be avoided?

Each of the roles in the dramatic triangle has unfulfilled needs that contribute to sustaining this dynamic. Individuals in the triad being in a certain role fulfills their needs to some extent. However, this type of positioning for everyone has a number of negative consequences.

• The victim needs a sense of support, understanding and security.
• The persecutor often experiences anxiety and needs control and recognition.
• The rescuer seeks acceptance and validation of his or her worth by providing help and support to others.

It is worth noting that although the drama triangle is usually used to define interactions, it exists and is active on an individual level as well. Many of us are likely to be able to recognize the persecutor in our so-called inner critic, the inner victim, which may be followed by a soothing, numbing response from the inner rescuer. And in this scenario, these are not healthy processes that serve us well.

An example of a drama triangle in the family system

Imagine a family consisting of a mother, a father and a teenage daughter. In this situation, the roles may develop as follows:

1. Victim: Daughter
2. The persecutor: The father
3. Deliverer: Mother

The daughter (victim) regularly gets poor grades at school. She feels overwhelmed and unable to improve.

The father (the persecutor) criticizes the daughter for poor performance, calls her lazy and irresponsible. He threatens consequences if the grades don’t improve.

The mother (savior) stands up for her daughter, explaining her behavior by the difficult period of puberty. She tries to protect her daughter from her father’s criticism, often doing her homework for her or writing excuses for school.

Triangle dynamics:

1. The daughter, feeling attacked by her father, sinks further and further into the role of victim, losing motivation to study.
2. The father, seeing the lack of improvement, intensifies his criticism and punishment, cementing his role as persecutor.
3. The mother, wanting to protect her daughter, assumes responsibility for her, which paradoxically hinders her daughter’s development of independence.

This cycle can be repeated, and the roles themselves can change over time:

• The daughter may begin to blame her mother for being overprotective, becoming a stalker.
• The mother may feel victimized, being between father and daughter, as it were.
• The father may take on the role of savior, trying to rectify the situation by being overly controlling.

The consequence is the maintenance of dysfunctional dynamics, failure to solve real problems, deepening conflicts and misunderstandings.

Examples of role changes in the drama triangle

In a given parent-child relationship: a critical parent (the persecutor) may become overprotective (the savior), and then feel abused (the victim).

In a relationship: a supportive partner (the savior) may start blaming the other person for the abuse (the persecutor), and then feel misunderstood (the victim).

Drama triangle in the workplace

The drama triangle in the workplace is a phenomenon that can significantly affect the atmosphere, productivity and relationships between employees. The most common manifestations of roles in the work environment are:

1. Victim:
   • An employee who feels constantly overburdened or unappreciated.
   • A person who avoids responsibility and often complains.
2. A persecutor:
   • A boss using excessive unrealistic demands or using excessive criticism.
   • A colleague sabotaging the work of others or spreading rumors.
3. A savior:
   • A manager who saves projects and tasks at the last minute.
   • An employee who takes on the tasks of others to help.

Causes of emergence at the system level:

• unclear roles and expectations,
• lack of effective communication,
• management and leadership problems,
• stress and pressure in the workplace.

Ways out of the drama triangle – coaching in the work environment

Understanding role variation in the drama triangle is key to breaking the cycle and building healthier relationships. How to leave the drama triangle? This requires awareness of the roles of the triangle, practice and often external support, such as coaching interactions, including through onlinecoaching .

Coaching work can be based on problem identification, which will include:

• • conducting individual interviews with participants,
  • observation of team dynamics,
  • analysis of specific situations where the drama triangle appears.

In individual coaching there will be work withindividual roles:

(a) Coaching with the person assuming the role of the victim:

• • developing a sense of agency and responsibility,
  • assertiveness techniques and setting boundaries,
  • identifying one’s own resources and strengths.

(b) Coaching with a person taking on the role of a stalker:

1. • developing empathy and emotional intelligence,
   • techniques of constructive communication and feedback,
   • stress and frustration management.

(c) Coaching with a person taking on the role of a savior:

• • learning to delegate and so-called empowerment, i.e. including others in decision-making processes,
  • recognizing the limits of responsibility,
  • support techniques without taking control.

In team coaching can be introduced:

• • facilitation of open communication between team members,
  • exercises in recognizing and interrupting triangle patterns,
  • building a shared vision for healthy team relationships.

Ways out of the drama triangle in a professional environment

1. Developing organizational culture:

• promoting open communication and transparency,
• creating an environment where mistakes are treated as learning opportunities (“ok to fail”),
• encouraging proactive problem solving,
• clearly defining roles and responsibilities.

2. Accurate job descriptions:

• regular review of responsibilities,
• eliminating ambiguity in hierarchy and decision-making processes,
• development of leadership skills,
• transformational leadership training,
• learning to delegate tasks and decisions to employees,
• developing coaching skills in managers.

3. Promoting assertive communication:

• workshops on assertive communication techniques,
• encouraging the expression of one’s own needs and boundaries,
• learning to give and receive constructive criticism.

4. Support and mediation systems:

• establishing a team of internal mediators,
• providing support from external consultants or coaches.

5. Policies and procedures:

• clear guidelines on unacceptable behavior,
• procedures for reporting and resolving conflicts,
• zero-tolerance policy for bullying and harassment.

6. Regular evaluations and feedback:

• implement a system of regular performance appraisal,
• encouraging mutual feedback between employees,
• regular 1:1 meetings between managers and employees.

7. Promote personal responsibility:

• rewarding initiative and self-reliance,
• encouraging people to take responsibility for their own actions and decisions,
• avoiding rescuing employees from the consequences of their decisions.

8. Conflict resolution techniques:

• training in methods of constructive dispute resolution,
• introducing protocols for escalating conflicts,
• encouraging win-win techniques, i.e., techniques in which team members focus on common goals and benefits rather than on power dynamics or individual success at the expense of others.

9. Stress management:

• wellbeing programs for employees,
• training in stress management techniques,
• promoting work-life balance.

10. Monitoring and evaluation:

• regular employee satisfaction surveys,
• analysis of turnover and absence rates,
• organizational culture audits.

11. Modeling of desired behavior:

• leaders actively demonstrating healthy patterns of interaction,
• public recognition of positive examples of cooperation.

12. Development of emotional competence:

• emotional intelligence training,
• promoting empathy and understanding of others’ perspectives.

Ways out of the drama triangle – the family system

1. Pattern recognition:
   • The first step is to learn to recognize when we step into one of these three roles.
   • Observing our own emotions and reactions in relationships with others.
2. Consciously breaking the cycle:
   • When you notice yourself stepping into one role, consciously choose a different reaction:
     • instead of accusing (persecutor), show empathy,
     • instead of rescuing (savior), encourage self-reliance,
     • instead of falling into helplessness (victim), take responsibility for your life and your actions.
   • Self-awareness plays a huge role here:
     • regular reflection on one’s own behavior and motivations,
     • observing which roles we most often take on and understanding why this happens (talking to a psychotherapist will be helpful here),
     • recognizing moments when our role changes,
     • consciously choosing behaviors that serve ourselves, the situation and the environment,
     • open communication about observed patterns,
     • working on our own beliefs and emotional reactions.

Finally, we suggest some attitudes and strategies that support the exit from the drama triangle to healthy behavior:

1. Assertiveness and healthy communication:
   • Use assertive communication, expressing your needs and boundaries.
   • Use “I” messages and avoid accusations.
2. Personal responsibility:
   • Encourage others to take responsibility for their own problems and decisions.
   • Take responsibility for your own actions and emotions.
3. Empathy and understanding:
   • Try to understand the perspective of others without judging them.
   • Practice active listening, full of presence and attention to the other party.
4. Setting boundaries:
   • Learn to say “no” , set boundaries and respect others’ boundaries.
   • Avoid stepping into the role of savior by letting others solve problems.
5. Therapy
   • Professional help can be valuable in recognizing and changing deeply ingrained patterns – take a look at online psychotherapy
6. Education:
   • Sharing knowledge about the drama triangle can help others recognize and change their own patterns.
7. Conflict analysis:
   • In conflict situations, consider what roles the parties take and how the cycle can be broken.
8. Self-awareness:
   • Regularly analyze your interactions and consider whether you are falling into the trap of the drama triangle.

The drama triangle makes it difficult to build healthy boundaries in relationships with other people and limits the possibility of honest, open communication. Remember that there are many opportunities to get out of established roles so that you don’t recreate them throughout your life. Get help from a third party – a coach, a psychotherapist – to identify environmental processes and develop optimal behavior.

Bibliography:

Lynette Hughes, Paul Pengelly. Staff Supervision in a Turbulent Environment. Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 1997

Stewart Ian Joines Vann. Transactional analysis today. Rebis, 2016

Remy Blumenfeld. How To Escape The Dreaded Drama Triangle. Forbes.com, 2018

https://www.forbes.com/sites/remyblumenfeld/2018/12/07/how-to-transform-your-relationships-by-getting-creative/ [accessed August 04, 2024]