Even the best-matched couples face relationship problems from time to time. Sometimes these are temporary and easily resolved, and sometimes they can make a shared future come into question. One such situation is infidelity in a relationship. This means that the partner has somehow failed to live up to the expected fidelity. Such an event is sometimes the beginning of the end of a marriage or relationship and its finale can even be divorce. Many people are unable to cope with the fact that they have been cheated on and hurt by someone close to them. If you have been betrayed, you may wonder how to deal with it and whether you should forgive your partner for his act. But how do you recognize infidelity and react in such a case? Is it possible to deal with its consequences? What are the chances that the marriage will survive the crisis and is it worth saving the relationship after infidelity?
What is marital infidelity? What is infidelity?
Marital infidelity, also known as marital infidelity, is a type of infidelity that occurs inside a marriage or marital relationship. It is an action in which one of the people involved in the marriage engages in intimate or emotional activities with another person outside the marriage, Statistics say that a great many people have experienced a lack of fidelity on the part of their partner or partner. So this is a fairly common problem, but not everyone wants to talk about it.
The definition of infidelity is often ambiguous, because as many couples, so many definitions of infidelity. Some consider it sexual intercourse with a third party, for others it already begins with kissing or flirting. It is generally accepted that betrayal is disloyalty and crossing the boundaries established in a relationship, especially in the sphere of physicality and sexuality. Some people, however, do not attach much importance to this aspect of the relationship, instead taking badly the violation of loyalty related to emotions and feelings.
Types of betrayal in a relationship
There are many categories of betrayal, which are divided according to which aspect of the relationship the partner has shown infidelity. The most common betrayals are:
- physical infidelity – this includes extramarital sexual relations that your partner engages in behind your back, thus breaking the rules that apply to your relationship.
- emotional infidelity – this is a situation in which extramarital sexual relations do not occur, but instead emotional intimacy in the relationship is violated.
- Cyber infidelity – is a type of infidelity that takes place in the world of the Internet. This includes flirting, exchanging intimate messages, undressing photos or engaging in cybersex with someone other than a partner
Physical and emotional infidelity often occur together. This is because one form often entails the other. They most often come together in the case of a long-term affair, rather than in the course of a one-time adventure.
Internet infidelity
Nowadays, so-called Internet infidelity is growing in popularity. It takes place through online means of communication. For this reason, many people do not even consider it a real betrayal, since there is no physical contact between the people involved in this relationship. However, this form can hurt just as painfully as discovering another woman in your partner’s bed. Online infidelity takes the form of exchanging intimate messages, cybersex practiced with the help of a camera, or sending each other photos in which the partner and the other person pose naked. Such behavior can cause you to lose trust in your husband and erode the bond between you.
Many people also believe that viewing pornographic content when you are in a relationship is also a kind of betrayal. They feel that it is not appropriate behavior if a partner watches other people during sexual intercourse and it causes arousal. Consuming pornography is one of those issues about which it’s a good idea to clearly establish a boundary when entering into a relationship with someone. While this will not be a problem for everyone, it is good to be aware of the other person’s attitude to it. Pornography addiction is a fairly common problem and can also be the cause of a relationship breakdown. This is because it affects what a couple’s sex life is like and often causes it to deteriorate. In such a situation, it is advisable to seek the help of a specialist and consider attending therapy to help deal with porn addiction.
Romance vs. infidelity
Not all betrayals are the same. A one-time liaison with a stranger, undertaken under the influence of emotion or alcohol consumption, for example, is of different importance. On the other hand, a long-term relationship with another woman, hidden from the partner, deliberately kept secret for a long time, is already a very big abuse of trust.
Romance is a term that refers to emotional or physical involvement in an interpersonal relationship that is unsanctioned and of an amorous or sexual nature. It can include falling in love with someone, flirting, infatuation or the development of a love relationship, outside of a current relationship or marriage. An affair does not necessarily have to lead to intimate physical activities, but may focus on emotions and romantic feelings toward another person.
Infidelity and divorce. Divorce decree
In Poland, infidelity is not an immediate prerequisite for a divorce decree. Polish law does not rely on the fault of one of the parties as a basis for divorce. There are certain grounds that can be used to obtain a divorce decree, but this is not directly related to infidelity.
These premises include:
Irretrievable breakdown of the marriage. This is one of the most common grounds for divorce in Poland. It means that the marriage is damaged in such a way that there is no way to restore it to normal functioning. The breakdown of the relationship is complete and permanent.
Factual separation. If the spouses live separately for at least a year due to persistent misunderstandings or other reasons
Inadequate conduct. When spouses conduct themselves in such a way that it is no longer possible to maintain a joint household.
It is worth noting that Polish law does not have a specific premise of infidelity as grounds for divorce. Instead, the court examines the general situation of the marriage and decides based on general grounds such as those listed above. However, infidelity and its impact on the marriage may be taken into account by the court in the context of the overall breakdown of the marriage, but it is not a decisive factor.
In the case of a divorce in Poland, it is usually necessary to consult a lawyer who can help you understand the laws and rationale for your situation.
Divorce by fault vs. infidelity
Divorce by fault, in this context, is often used as a term for divorce on the most common moral or ethical grounds, and infidelity is one of the potential grounds for such a divorce. This means that marital infidelity is one of the specific actions that can be considered a violation of marital or ethical duties in a marriage, which in turn can be grounds for seeking a fault divorce.
In Poland, infidelity is not a direct ground for divorce. Polish matrimonial law does not rely on the fault of one of the parties as grounds for divorce. In Poland, there is one type of divorce that is based on divorce without adjudication of fault, also known as “no-fault divorce.” This means that it is not necessary to prove the fault of one of the parties in order to obtain a divorce decree.
Divorce laws in Poland are based on the so-called “irretrievable breakdown” of the marriage, meaning that it is sufficient to show that the marriage has decayed to such an extent that it cannot function normally. Parties can also seek divorce on the basis of” factual breakdown” or “improper conduct” in the marriage.
Marital infidelity can be a painful and difficult experience, but in the Polish legal system it is not direct grounds for a fault divorce. The divorce process in Poland can be complicated and requires certain legal prerequisites.
How can you cheat on me? Causes of marital infidelity
Many people also wonder where the causes of marital inf idelity lie and whether it can be effectively prevented. The most popular motives for infidelity are considered to be boredom and routine, which appeared in the relationship after years of it, problems in the relationship or the need for new experiences and strong emotions, which they no longer find with a well-known partner. Sometimes infidelity is the resultant of many of these situations. The stimulus for it can also be the consumption of alcohol, for example, during a business trip far from home. It makes a person more reckless and does things he wouldn’t think of doing when sober.
An important factor cited as a cause of infidelity is lack of sexual satisfaction. It often occurs when people in a relationship are mismatched in terms of temperament, tastes or libido levels. In such a situation, many people escape into an affair, instead of talking to their partner about their needs and solving the problem with communication. A disappointment in the bedroom is one of the impulses that cause some people to seek satisfaction outside the relationship. Infidelity also has a lot to do with shame and reluctance to reveal one’s erotic fantasies. As a result, some people try to fulfill them with other people.
Sometimes infidelity is pushed by curiosity and the desire to see what sex with another person would be like. This can occur in relationships when the current spouse is the first and only person with whom one has had sex.
Infidelity, however, is not only related to sexuality, as it also touches the emotional aspect, and it can occur in this field as well. It occurs when a partner recognizes that in a relationship his emotional needs are not met and begins to seek their satisfaction in other relationships. This is when we speak of emotional betrayal, which can be just as painful and destructive as the physical one.
A crisis in the relationship is also cited as a reason for infidelity. It can be pregnancy, stress during pregnancy, the birth of a child, difficult life situations, emigration or problems at work. At such times, partners often distance themselves from each other, and some may seek solace in relationships with new people who are not directly involved in the difficulties they are experiencing, so contact with them can offer respite and a moment of rest.
Often, victims of betrayal look for the cause in themselves and take responsibility for what happened to them. They feel that if they had behaved differently or picked up signals to their husband at the right time, the betrayal would not have happened. Remember, however, that you are not responsible for this and the fault lies solely with the cheater. You have no influence over her decisions, and if there were any problems in the relationship, the solution to them would be to talk, not infidelity.
Effects of marital infidelity
Infidelity in a relationship has very negative consequences for both parties involved in the situation. The consequences of marital infidelity are painful and involve many difficult emotions and decisions to be made. For many couples, infidelity is a justification for ending the relationship. Relationships that have lasted for many years can fall apart because of it. Many women decide to abandon unfaithful husbands because they are unable to continue living with them. Many of them ask themselves, “Do I need to forgive?” If you care about making your marriage last, forgiving your partner is a very good decision. Staying in a relationship with a person you are still angry with and unable to come to terms with what happened can have dire consequences for everyone.
However, many people forgive infidelity out of fear of living alone, especially if children are present in the relationship. Motherhood on its own is a huge challenge, so many women prefer to forgive their husbands rather than face the difficulties that would await them alone after the relationship ends. This is a completely understandable reaction to potential loneliness. The question is, if the only thing keeping us in a relationship is fear, is that enough for the relationship to survive ?
It is certainly easier to forgive a one-time prank, after which the betrayed person feels remorse and regret and has no intention of repeating it. However, when years of lies, carefully concealed from the wife, come to light, it will definitely be more difficult to find the strength in oneself to forgive the other person. For it is difficult to rebuild trust with someone who has led a double life, deceiving loved ones every day.
However, it is worth remembering that life after marital infidelity is possible, even if the relationship with the partner does not survive. This is because it is possible to start a new chapter and enter into another relationship. Infidelity can also be a stimulus to work on a marriage in which a crisis has arisen. Thus, thanks to this there is a chance to save it.
How to save a marriage after infidelity? Is it already the breakup of a marriage
If you have become a victim of infidelity on the part of your husband and partner, you are surely wondering what to do next. Should you walk away, or is it worth fighting for the relationship after all, especially if your husband admits his guilt and asks for a second chance? However, how do you save your marriage after infidelity and how can you be sure that it will not happen again? First of all, it is worth waiting before making this decision. In the first moment you may be racked by intense and unpleasant emotions, such as grief, anger, sadness and despair. It is difficult to make a rational choice in such moments. In addition, every relationship is different and operates under different conditions. A mother of two children will make a different decision, and a single woman who does not have similar commitments will make a different one. Younger people will also find it easier to enter a new relationship after a betrayal and build their future with another partner.
Remember that the desire to save the marriage must first and foremost be mutual. If a partner who has cheated or cheated on his wife for a long time does not want to fight for the relationship, then unfortunately, but you have to accept the end of the relationship. However, in the case in which the unfaithful husband expresses remorse and cares about continuing the relationship, there is a foundation for working together and trying to solve the problem.
The moment when infidelity occurs in a relationship is a good time to stop and think about what caused the crisis. It’s a moment to make an examination of conscience, what your life together was like, whether both parties were satisfied with it, or whether, however, you felt lonely, grew distant from each other and stopped communicating your needs to each other. If you want to save your marriage after such an experience, it is worth taking a moment to analyze what happened that pushed your partner into the arms of someone else. You don’t have to take responsibility for his actions, because in the case of infidelity you are the victim, but if you care about your partner, it’s worth understanding what drove him.
Can marital infidelity be forgiven ?
Forgiving marital infidelity is a difficult challenge that can vary depending on the specific situation and couples. There is no one right way to go through the process, but it is important to work on understanding, trust and communication if both parties are ready to repair the relationship. In some cases, the help of a therapist can be invaluable.
Here are some steps that can help in the process of forgiving marital infidelity:
- Express your feelings. Talk to your partner about your feelings and reactions to the betrayal. Let him or her understand how hurt you are and what emotions accompany the event. Communication is key to understanding what led to the betrayal and what both partners’ feelings are.
- Consider the causes. Try to understand why the betrayal occurred. Sometimes it can be related to problems in the relationship, communication or emotional difficulties. It is worth identifying these causes and working to resolve them.
- Set boundaries. Together with your partner, set new boundaries and expectations in the relationship to avoid future betrayals. This can help rebuild trust and prevent similar situations in the future.
- Work on forgiveness. Forgiveness is a process that can take a long time. Remember that forgiveness does not mean forgetting the betrayal, but rather it is an act of understanding and a decision to continue the relationship despite the pain and hurt. It may require working through feelings of anger and regret.
- Give yourself time. Forgiving infidelity is a lengthy process that is not always successful. It is important to allow yourself the time you need to work through your emotions and decide on the future of the relationship.
- Think through your needs. Consider whether you are ready to continue the relationship after the betrayal. This is not always the best decision; in some cases, a breakup may be more beneficial for both you and your partner.
Marital infidelity and therapy
In the case where you have experienced infidelity and there is a problem with dealing with the difficult emotions that arose on your own, it is worthwhile to go for help from a specialist – online psychotherapy. A psychologist or therapist will help you understand what happened, where specific feelings came from and thus make it easier to make a decision. It is also a way to distance yourself from the situation and look at it from an objective perspective. Seeing a specialist can also help in a situation where there are feelings that signal other disorders, such as neurosis or depression after a breakup, due to the betrayal.
This is because it is an extremely difficult experience, which can become the beginning of more serious well-being problems. If you are experiencing anxiety, tension or struggling with a lowered mood for an extended period of time, it is worth consulting a specialist – a psychologist or psychiatrist – who can help diagnose where the problem lies and indicate how you can deal with it.
If, after seeing a specialist, you decide to save your marriage, it is worth considering couples therapy together. This is a way to resolve problems that have arisen in the relationship and that may have been the source of the infidelity. Therapy will create a safe space for you where you and your partner can freely express your emotions and thus work through what happened to you. This is one of the more effective tools you can use if you want to save your marriage and rebuild the lost trust in your partner who betrayed you.
Infidelity is therefore a very painful event for most people, and you may naturally feel many painful and difficult emotions about it. It may even be the reason for the breakup of the relationship. There are many reasons why a partner may cheat, and among the most commonly cited is a lack of sexual or emotional satisfaction in the relationship. If you’re wondering whether marriage after infidelity is possible, it’s worth trying to answer this question with a therapist, who can help you look at the situation from a distance, and who can help you figure out how you really feel about the disappointment you experienced and why. It is worth remembering that if you want to really reconsider your relationship after a betrayal, it will be necessary to accept what happened and go in a new direction, together or separately.