An exceptionally intense day at work? Another failed job interview or a difficult breakup – and you hear: “You need to think positive!” or “Everything will be fine!”. However, these seemingly supportive words can do more harm than good. This article will help you understand why it’s not always good to focus on the positive aspects of life, learn what toxic positivity is and how to deal with it?
What is toxic positivity
Toxic positivity refers to the excessive and generalized promotion of positive thinking, often at the expense of acknowledging and validating negative emotions. It is characterized by the belief that maintaining a positive attitude is the best way to approach any situation, regardless of its severity or complexity.
Signs of toxic positivity
- Rejecting or minimizing negative feelings.
- Using clichés such as “Just be positive!” or “Everything happens for a reason.”
- Feeling guilty about experiencing negative emotions.
- Hiding or masking true feelings behind a facade of happiness.
- Shame associated with expressing sadness, anger or frustration.
The phenomenon of toxic positivity
Imagine browsing Instagram on a particularly difficult day. Your screen is filled with perfectly composed images of smiling faces, inspirational quotes against pastel backgrounds and countless stories about “living life to the fullest.” Meanwhile, you’re struggling with real emotions – it could be grief, anxiety or simple everyday frustration. This stark contrast between your real experience and the digitally projected ideal perfectly illustrates the toxic positivity in everyday life.
Causes of toxic positivity
The emergence of toxic positivity is not a simple trend, but a complex interplay of various social factors:
- The Digital Happiness Imperative. Social media platforms have transformed themselves into carefully curated galleries, where users often feel compelled to present their lives through the lens of constant positivity. Every moment becomes an opportunity for performance, with filters and carefully chosen captions masking the harsh reality of the human experience.
- Corporate Culture of Wellbeing. Modern workplaces often adopt superficial wellness initiatives that reduce complex emotional experiences to simple motivational slogans. Imagine office walls adorned with posters promoting “positive vibes” while employees struggle with real work challenges and stress.
- The Happiness Industry. The booming billion-dollar self-help market promises quick solutions and instant joy, often oversimplifying the complex nature of human emotions and mental health. Such offers have nothing to do with professional help.
When positivity becomes harmful
In the Workplace
Imagine Anna, a dedicated employee who has just lost an important client. Instead of being given space to work through this professional setback, she is immediately met with a chorus of “Think positive!” and “There are many more clients!”. These well-meaning but dismissive responses make her feel isolated and misunderstood. The toxic behavior of co-workers, often in a non-college way, invalidates Anna’s feelings and experiences.
In Personal Relationships
Think of Michael, who is experiencing a breakup with his longtime partner. His friends, uncomfortable with his pain, shower him with phrases like “Everything happens for a reason!” and “You’ll find someone better!” These clichés, while meant to bring comfort, only detract from his actual emotional experience.
In Health Situations
Look at Eve, struggling with chronic depression. Sympathetic family members suggest that “just think positive” or “focus on the good things in life,” fundamentally misunderstanding the clinical nature of her condition and potentially delaying proper treatment.
Hidden consequences of suppressing emotions
Modern neuroscience research clearly shows that suppressing emotions has biological consequences. Our body reacts to unexpressed feelings with elevated levels of cortisol, a stress hormone. This, in turn, can lead to insomnia, weakened immunity and even chronic pain.
What’s more, trying to drown out difficult emotions often leads to their intensification. It’s like trying to hold a ball underwater – the harder we push it, the more violently it emerges. The same happens with our feelings – the more we try to suppress them, the more strongly they make themselves known at the least expected moments.
Other consequences of toxic positivity
Although positivity can be beneficial, excessive focus on it can lead to several negative consequences:
- Suppression of emotions. Individuals may feel compelled to hide their true feelings, leading to emotional disconnection.
- Increased stress and anxiety. The pressure to maintain a positive attitude can paradoxically increase stress levels.
- Disregarding experiences. Dismissing negative emotions can often make people feel misunderstood and isolated.
- Delayed healing of emotional wounds. Avoiding negative emotions can hinder the natural processes of mourning and healing.
- Reduced empathy. Excessive focus on positivity can reduce the ability to empathize with the struggles of others.
Acceptance of emotions, or how to cope?
Toxic positivity and acceptance of emotions are in fundamental conflict. While toxic positivity promotes selective rejection of “negative” emotions, true emotional acceptance recognizes the value of every emotional state.
Developing a healthy relationship with one’s emotions is a process that requires time and patience. It starts with a simple but often difficult step – admitting to ourselves that we feel what we feel. The idea is not to let emotions take control, but to learn to recognize and understand their meaning.
The key is to understand that emotions are like an internal navigation system. Sadness can signal the loss of something valuable, anger a violation of our boundaries, and anxiety a need for security. Each of these feelings carries important information about our needs and values.
- Authenticity vs. Superficiality
- Toxic positivity forces us to be artificially optimistic.
- Acceptance of emotions allows us to express all states honestly.
- Authentic experiencing of emotions builds mental resilience.
- Healthy Boundaries
- The ability to refuse “positive thinking” by force.
- Assertive communication of one’s own emotional needs.
- Protecting oneself from social pressure to “be happy”.
- Integrating Experiences
- Difficult emotions as a source of personal growth.
- Sadness and anger as natural reactions to loss or harm.
- Anxiety as a warning signal requiring attention.
The way to get in touch with your emotions
Developing a healthy relationship with your emotions requires concrete action. Start with a daily mindfulness practice – take a few minutes to observe your feelings without trying to change them. Pay attention to your body’s signals – tension in your shoulders, quickened breathing or tightness in your stomach can be the first harbingers of important emotions.
It can be helpful to keep a diary of emotions, but not in the form of a dry list. Record the context, intensity and body reactions. This will help you see patterns and better understand your own response mechanisms.
Adopting emotional balance – key principles
Instead of promoting toxic positivity, it is important to cultivate emotional balance and authenticity:
- Affirm all emotions. Recognize that both positive and negative emotions are natural and valuable.
- Practice active listening. When someone shares their struggles, focus on understanding rather than immediately offering solutions.
- Use empathetic language. Replace phrases such as “Look on the bright side” with “I hear you, and your feelings are important.”
- Encourage others to express their emotions. Create safe spaces where others can express the full range of their emotions without judgment.
- Nurturebalance. Try to maintain a healthy balance in the most important aspects of life.
- Develop emotional intelligence. Work on recognizing, understanding and managing your own emotions and the emotions of others.
- Embrace realistic optimism. Sustain hope while acknowledging challenges and setbacks.
Positive thinking vs. toxic positivity
Positive thinking, when authentic and balanced, can be a valuable tool in dealing with life’s challenges. The key difference lies in the approach to difficulties. Healthy optimism allows us to see possibilities and solutions, while recognizing the reality of obstacles and the presence of difficult emotions. It’s like planning an expedition to the mountains – awareness of potential difficulties doesn’t take away our motivation, but allows us to better prepare.
Toxic positivity begins where authenticity ends. When positive thinking becomes a compulsion rather than a choice, when we deny reality instead of accepting it.
Healthy optimism gives us hope and motivation to act, while toxic positivity can lead to denying reality and avoiding responsibility for our own emotions
The role of cognitive-behavioral therapy and schema
Cognitive-behavioral therapy( CBT) and schema therapy can be helpful in dealing with toxic positivity and increasing one’s own emotional balance.
CBT techniques can help individuals:
- Identify and challenge unrealistic positive thinking.
- Develop more balanced thought patterns.
- Learn to accept and effectively process negative emotions.
Schema therapy can help with:
- Uncovering deeply held beliefs that contribute to toxic positivity.
- Addressing emotional needs that may be neglected due to excessive .positivity
- Developing healthier coping mechanisms to deal with life’s challenges.
Summary
While maintaining a positive attitude can be beneficial, it is crucial to maintain balance and acknowledge the full spectrum of human emotions. You can develop a more nuanced and healthy relationship with your emotional experiences. Remember that true emotional well-being does not come from avoiding negative emotions, but from accepting and learning from all of our experiences, both positive and negative.