Ghosting, a cruel way to end a relationship

Ghosting, a cruel way to end a relationship

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Relationships end in different ways, sometimes less and sometimes more turbulent. It depends on their nature, length, course and what caused the relationship or friendship to end. However, this is not always done in such a way that each of the parties involved knows exactly what happened. Sometimes one person disappears without a word of explanation, and the other is left with a lot of questions and doubts that they can’t explain. Ghosting – for that is what it is referred to – is becoming an increasingly common phenomenon in society. But what exactly is it, why is it sometimes an extremely painful way to end a relationship, and how to deal with the situation when it affects us directly? What is the motive of a person who reaches for such a solution instead of revealing to others the motivation behind his or her behavior?

Breakups. What is ghosting?

Breakups. What is ghosting?Your partner seems to be initially romantic, you have had several successful dates, perhaps you are starting to think about the relationship in a long-term way? Meanwhile, he suddenly stops answering the phone, writing back, starts ignoring you and behaving in an immature manner. The phenomenon of ghosting can affect women as well as men. This hurtful experience for a person abandoned in a relationship affects the feeling of security, makes it difficult to trust and enter another relationship.

The word ghosting itself comes from the English language and can be translated as disappearing without a clue like a ghost or phantom ( ghost is what ghost means in English). It is a behavior in which a person breaks off a relationship with others in an unexpected, abrupt manner and involves a complete and sudden cessation of contact, often without a word of explanation. The other party to the relationship then has no idea what happened and why the relationship ended. After all, there was no argument, there were no signals suggesting that something was wrong. Such a person also has no chance to change his behavior if it was the reason for the break in contact. Nor does he or she have any idea what he or she could change about himself or herself, as he or she has received no comment, no news, regarding his or her behavior. Ghosting is particularly popular among online friendships, established through, for example, social media, dating apps such as Tinder. This is because they make it possible to block contact with a person and cut them off completely. This is a very cruel form of breaking off acquaintances, as it leaves the person without any explanation. There is no way to solve the problem, so people are left alone with their suffering. They can’t get rid of it by, for example, finding out what they did wrong. People experiencing ghosting often ask themselves questions such as:

  • What did I do/do wrong?
  • What is wrong with me?
  • Why do I discourage people from seeing me?
  • Maybe I deserved/deserved it?
  • What if I had behaved/been differently then?

How to disappear without a word. To be a victim of ghosting

Being a victim of ghosting can cause many problems with self-esteem, self-image and one’s place in relationships with other people. A person who has been treated this way may find it difficult for a long time to shut down and get out of such a relationship, analyzing over and over again, what did he or she do wrong? This is because the person has no way of actually finding out what happened. Consequently, there are times when increasingly desperate attempts are made to re-establish contact with the person who broke it off. This is because the abandoned person is unable to accept the fact that someone has simply disappeared. Some try to explain to themselves that what they have experienced is not abandonment without a word at all. They then look for such content on the Internet as “ghosting test” to make sure it is definitely the one they are dealing with. They want to dismiss at all costs the idea that they were the ones who suffered such cruel abandonment from the other person.

An abrupt way of ending a relationship. Ghosting – why is it so common?

Ghosting - why is it so common?Reckless ghosting is an increasingly common form of ending relationships, as anyone who has ever used dating apps can attest. For the person who uses ghosting, it is a simple and quick method of ending unwanted relationships without all sorts of consequences and dealing with the effects of their own behavior. By breaking off contact without saying a word, we don’t have to face someone else’s pain, questions or attempts to save the relationship. Such a person avoids confrontation and stops writing back messages. Ghosting also removes the responsibility of explaining to the other person what we didn’t like about them. Instead, it allows us to simply move on and deal with other relationships and takes away from the person the unpleasant aspects of ending previous friendships. Applying it on the Internet is even easier, because virtual contacts can very quickly cease to resemble those you have with people around you every day. There is a dehumanization of the interlocutor, which in turn makes it easy to quickly cut off. It’s enough not to open a message, an app, not to read a new email, and contact immediately breaks off. Indeed, online relationships are treated with much more lightness and are not seen as real commitments. This is because more and more people forget that there is another human being on the other side of the screen, just as feeling and suffering as they are. Ghosting also avoids uncomfortable emotions that no one wants to feel, such as sadness, anger, shame or surprise. It also avoids having to confront letting down someone else’s trust or facing unpleasant comments about yourself.

Ghosting is more often used in short relationships where both parties are not yet fully committed or this commitment is not entirely clear. It seems then that an acquaintance of several months can be abandoned without a word because the other person hasn’t really managed to get attached, especially in the case of an online acquaintance. Meanwhile, such an abandonment can also be very painful.

How can it hurt? Who uses ghosting?

One may also wonder who are the people who apply ghosting. What makes them capable of such a ruthless approach to others? It can be said that this kind of carefree behavior and disappearance without a word is the domain of self-centered, self-centered people who see the relationship only as a means to achieve their own needs. When it no longer serves their purposes, they abandon it without regret in favor of other relationships, without considering what havoc it will wreak on the other person’s emotions. Such people prioritize their needs, which is not wrong and bad behavior in itself. However, they do so without thinking about or respecting the feelings of others. In a healthy relationship, the needs of both parties are equally important and treated with respect. In the case of using ghosting, this is not possible, because a signal is sent that the other person does not even deserve a word of explanation.

How can it hurt? Who uses ghosting? Ghosting can also be used by people who can’ t cope with their own emotions and can’t end relationships with honest conversation. In such a situation, they prefer to avoid them instead of confronting what they really feel. They also don’t want to face the difficult consequences of their departure, which may cause others sadness, grief or the desire to ask for another chance. This is because many people are unable to honestly and assertively tell others “no” and refuse to continue the relationship. It is much easier to block someone from sending messages on the app and go on living as if nothing had happened. So ghosting may also be the responsibility of people who are simply afraid of confrontation. It may therefore have nothing to do with disrespect or self-centeredness. A person can sometimes be paralyzed by the vision of refusing further contact with someone to the point where he or she prefers to disappear from someone’s life without a word. This can be rooted in a number of disorders.

The use of ghosting, then, can be the result of one’s own unworked problems, through which others suffer. People who are unable to function in relationships with others often enter them before they have resolved their own internal conflicts. This reflects on their friendships and causes people who are not at fault for anything to take responsibility for other people’s problems, illnesses or disorders, which is another unique cruelty of ghosting. This is why it is so important in relationships to be able to set boundaries, express one’s own opinion or communicate needs. This allows for healthy friendships in which the needs of both parties are clearly expressed, respected and met.

psychology – what are the effects of ghosting?

Statistics say that more and more people are resorting to this way, so virtually everyone is at risk of encountering such a situation and being forced to face its consequences. The behavior of ghosting can leave a mark in another person for many years, affect his self-esteem and lead to a long-term decline in mood. It also has more serious consequences and eventually becomes the beginning of more serious diseases and disorders, such as depression. People who experience such a situation often take the blame for its occurrence. This leads to a distorted perception of one’s self-image and takes away one’s self-esteem. This is because such a person thinks that something was wrong with him, since the other party in the relationship decided to disappear without a word. This can be the impetus for further problems that the abandoned person will face.

How to deal with ghosting?

How to deal with ghosting?Being a victim of ghosting can therefore lead to the emergence of many unpleasant feelings – disappointment, sadness, anger, regret, shame or despair. But how to deal with ghosting and not let a broken relationship without many months destroy our well-being? How to close such a relationship and get over it? In such moments, it certainly doesn’t help to persistently try to reconnect or take responsibility for what happened. However, it is worth realizing what happened to us and that this something was the actual abandonment. The next step is to work through the emotions that may accompany a person in this situation and allow oneself to experience them as one needs to in the moment. At such a time, it is a good idea to go to people close to you for help and ask for their support. It’s also not worth downplaying the situation, after all, it was only an online acquaintance of a few months. Every relationship a person has the right to mourn and live through as he or she needs. The next step in dealing with ghosting is to learn from what happened. This will allow you to better prepare yourself for difficulties that may arise again someday.

However, if a person is unable to cope with such rejection on his own, his mood is still depressed and his self-esteem is still not improving, it is worth considering contacting a specialist. Talking to a therapist can help to understand what really happened. It’s also a way to solve problems with bad mood or low self-esteem. This is because a specialist will help to realize that the victim of ghosting is not the guilty party in this relationship and should not take responsibility for it. It is also an opportunity to understand what drove the other person and his motivations. By visiting a specialist, people also learn how to close such a relationship without the other party’s involvement and stop living it. This is because it will make it easier to accept the fact that this person is gone and will not return to the life of the abandoned person again. As a result, the patient stops living in so-called limbo and can, for example, engage in a completely new relationship instead of focusing constantly on the previous one.

Ghosting, then, is an extremely unpleasant and painful method of separation, involving one party cutting off contact with the other without a word. Such a course of action leaves the abandoned person unaware of what happened and why he was abandoned. Thus, she may react not only with suffering and sadness, but also by accepting responsibility for such treatment. This is because she feels that it is her fault, because she made a mistake and was inadequate. Often, she is also unable to internally close the relationship, keeps reliving it over and over again, and is unable to move on by engaging in a new acquaintance. Ghosting has various sources, such as egocentrism or fear of confrontation. However, it is said that more and more people do not take seriously online friendships that do not seem real to them. This is what leads people to break them off in such a cavalier manner. Ghosting can have many unpleasant consequences for the dumped person. If you are having difficulty coping with the experience of ghosting, make an appointment – online psychotherapy.

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I am a certified psychotherapist and CBT supervisor. I use the latest methods of cognitive-behavioral therapy and schema therapy. My specialty? Turning complex theories into practical advice and solutions! As an expert in the field, I not only run a clinical practice, but also train and supervise other psychotherapists. I invite you to read my articles and contact me if you need professional support.

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