Narcissism is not just excessive self-love, but a complex category encompassing various traits and behaviors. It is worth taking a closer look at these subtleties to understand that narcissism has many shades; from a healthy attitude that promotes self-confidence; to a pathological form that can hinder daily functioning.
In the article, you will learn the differences between grandiose narcissism and sensitive narcissism. You’ll learn about the mechanisms behind the types of narcissism, and the treatments for narcissism.
Narcissism – definition
Narcissism is a personality disorderthat manifests itself by having an obsession with superiority and uniqueness. Individuals struggling with narcissism hold the belief that they need to receive constant recognition from others, demanding constant social approval. On the surface, such a person’s life may seem easier than it actually is. On a daily basis, however, he has to struggle with his demons, which in essence have a destructive effect on the narcissist. Underneath the mask of uniqueness is often low self-esteem and a huge emptiness. The treatment itself is usually complicated and any progress comes in small steps.
Am I a narcissist?
Narcissistic personality traits are common in society, but do not always indicate any personality disorder. Everyone has an ego, which manifests its presence in different ways. Diagnosis of personality disorders is done only by a specialist, a psychologist. Tests are used for this, which make it possible to diagnose the disorder. By asking yourself a few questions, you can spot traits to work through with a specialist. In the tests different areas are examined, for example:
- shyness or lack of humility,
- willingness to take risks or balanced action,
- reactions to disapproval,
- level of empathy,
- ability to build interpersonal relationships, manipulation.
Narcissistic personality. How to recognize a narcissist?
A person, described as a narcissist is characterized by focusing exclusively on himself. Due to his belief in his unique uniqueness, he subconsciously ignores both the feelings and needs of others. He usually uses people of his own to present himself in a better light or to achieve planned goals. He constantly strives to obtain recognition from other people, which at the same time leads him to persist in the “soap bubble” that he has the right to definitely expect more than others. Frequent feelings of envy towards others or the belief that it is others who are jealous. Arrogant, haughty attitude or behavior. Not infrequently, he may also manifest the belief that the meaning of his life is based on pursuing higher goals than the average person.
The central characteristics of a narcissistic personality are:
- having a belief in superiority, a sense of uniqueness in relation to other people, a high sense of being privileged,
- problems with feeling empathy, even towards close people, sometimes lack of empathy,
- exaggerating one’s achievements,
- focusing exclusively on oneself,
- striving to focus other people’s attention on oneself,
- unwillingness to accept compromises,
- low agreeableness.
Healthy narcissism, is the belief in one’s own uniqueness always bad?
A certain kind of self-love is good for each of us: the ability to love ourselves in a healthy way, to maintain a balance between caring for ourselves and caring for others. Healthy narcissism is a concept that refers to a certain measure of self-confidence, the ability to appreciate one’s own achievements and maintain a positive self-image.
In healthy proportions, this attitude can be beneficial to our good self-esteem and motivation to achieve goals. People with this kind of attitude are able to enjoy their own accomplishments while respecting and supporting others.
The line between healthy narcissism and pathological nar cissism can sometimes be subjective and depends on cultural context and social norms. It is worth noting that certain narcissistic traits may be present in every person in certain situations. However, when these traits become dominant and interfere with functioning, it may indicate the need for professional help – online psychotherapy
Is the narcissist aware of being a narcissist?
Surroundings very quickly begin to notice the occurrence of excessive and harmful self-love, but very rarely does the said narcissist notice the symptoms of this disorder in himself. A study conducted by specialists Thomas Oltmanns and Eric Turkheimer proved that in their mind, a narcissist considers himself a person with a friendly, sociable and likable persona. This is in complete contrast to the opinions of peers, who emphasize that these narcissistic individuals show a desire to dominate and push boundaries.
All attempts to confront the narcissist with his real way of behavior end in failure due to the persistence of his belief in his infallibility. At the same time, actions even for a good cause are perceived as an attack. The narcissist perceives himself as an exceptional, healthy person and does not allow himself the fact that he might have any problems. In extreme cases, in the face of people trying to make him aware, he may plan revenge.
Personality. What are the types of narcissistic personality?
Recent years focused on analyzing the personality of people affected by narcissism have made it possible to distinguish two types of narcissistic personality. As a result, types of narcissism have emerged to better understand the differences between people struggling with narcissism. Two types of narcissistic personality were distinguished, which have different characteristic features.
Sensitive narcissism and grandiose narcissism were distinguished. In both cases, excessive focus on the self is noticeable, realistically hindering the understanding of other people’s emotions. Each case is considered individually, so discrepancies between the nature of narcissists, the source of the disorder and the attitudes adopted are noticeable.
Types of narcissism, what are the characteristics of sensitive narcissism?
People struggling with sensitive narcissism have a noticeable focus on themselves, but the way they process their emotions is definitely different from grandiose narcissism. He perceives many more difficulties to contend with. This is caused by compounding feelings, which eventually leads to an attempt to seek help from specialists.
The sensitive narcissist hides behind a mask of emotional fragility. These people may appear humble on the outside, but in reality they are very susceptible to criticism and have difficulty coping with hurt egos.
The sensitive narcissist is characterized by needs for constant approval and the need to be admired, which is caused by high sensitivity to possible underestimation of their achievements. He shows excessive distrust of other people, so he is particularly sensitive to possible allusions and ambiguities. He scrupulously looks for attempts to undermine the self-concept he holds by the behavior of others. A person with sensitive narcissism tends to withdraw from the group. His thoughts and actions focus on his own needs, thoughts or opinions. Patients with sensitive narcissism may struggle with anxiety and depressive states. The causes of developing sensitive narcissism are attributed to parenting dysfunctions, such as shaming, “conditional love,” and lack of consistency.
People close to the person perceive the sensitive narcissist as a worried person who has a negative and negating attitude. An emotional approach and frequent adoption of a defensive posture are perceived.
Narcissistic personality disorder. What characterizes grandiose narcissism?
Grandiositynarcissism occurs in people who lack even minimal modesty and humility towards others. In addition, they constantly strive to succeed and achieve their goals. This is a way for them to emphasize their social status.
A grandiose narcissist is characterized by high self-esteem, overconfidence, a sense of superiority and a desire to dominate others. People with this type of narcissism often seem fascinated by their own success and are sometimes reluctant to recognize others’ merits.
People struggling with grandiose narcissism are described as extroverted and constantly seeking admiration from others. They get the most satisfaction from interacting with influential people. They are perceived by their surroundings as unpleasant to be around and clearly haughty. They are eager to challenge other people’s opinions and take sides in disputes with great ease. They don’t recognize their problem, so they extremely rarely make the decision to seek therapy on their own. They are distinguished by their propensity for manipulation, which allows them to achieve their own benefits. It is extremely difficult for them to empathize with others due to their limited access to emotions. The substrate of grandiose narcissism may be upbringing as “exceptional children,” i.e. deprivation of parental control, rules and constant “overestimation of the child” in the context of other children.
Narcissism and the relationship with other people
Achieving quick social benefits in the case of narcissists is based on efficient manipulation. This ability is highly developed in them. They are usually able to present themselves from their best side within a short while. Consequently, they make their first impression as an energetic, brilliant, and likable person. This is a kind of trap that makes other people eager to establish a relationship with them. Only after some time are they able to see the real cost of this relationship. The narcissist begins to demand more and more, additionally manifests his dissatisfaction and can often even show aggressive behavior.
Many people subconsciously crave contact with the narcissist because of the image artificially created by him. They want to be the same. Even people without a personality disorder would like to be liked, admired and confident.
In the case of narcissists, all actions are aimed at enhancing their social status, gaining popularity and admiration in the group. He efficiently adapts his behavior to the prevailing situation. A narcissist tailors his behavior to a particular person in order to gain his recognition. The manipulation strategy is tailored individually. It is not uncommon for him to create himself as a sensitive person who focuses on others. This is a kind of trap. Despite his problems with empathy, he perfectly analyzes the human psyche.
What does a relationship with narcissism look like?
In narcissists there are noticeable qualities that add to his attractiveness in the eyes of a potential partner. At the initial stage of acquaintance, he effectively inspires confidence, in addition, he is charming and funny. As a result, he gradually begins to win his “victim”, but over time the difficulty of creating a correct relationship is perceived. The narcissist’s ego begins to realistically surpass the possible need to create emotional intimacy with his partner. The partner relationship itself is not a source of satisfaction for him. The feeling of love comes to him with great difficulty.
A narcissist’s partner is often referred to as a victim of narcissism. Patients who exhibit narcissistic personality disorder tend to use a lot of maladaptive behavior in the relationship. The following are not uncommon in such a relationship: psychological violence, passive aggression, harmful behavior, manipulation, marital infidelity, cheating, playing on feelings. The narcissist is focused solely on his own well-being, which causes negative emotional consequences in others, the so-called“narcissist victim syndrome.” It gives symptoms quite similar to post-traumatic stress disorder, but the narcissist’s pattern of action is not as clear-cut as is the case with psychopaths. Bullying attitudes are not directly discernible.
The relationship is an element in self-esteem building. The partner or partner is treated as a trophy, and manipulative skills are practiced within the relationship. Over time, a number of difficulties in the relationship begin to be perceived, i.e.: lack of agreeableness, arrogance, exalting. The partner begins to perceive the impossibility of creating a healthy relationship, resulting in an impending breakup. Read also: how to deal with a narcissist in a relationship.
How to diagnose narcissism? How to diagnose personality disorder
Numerous years of research and analysis of narcissistic behavior have made it possible to prepare questionnaires to diagnose patients. In practice, by far the most common is Raskin and Hall’s NPI questionnaire. It is composed of 40 items, and among them there are areas relating to power, self-sufficiency, superiority, exhibitionism, exploitation of others, vanity, and entitlement. With the help of the questions, the ability to manipulate, the need to have power over others, the belief in one’s own uniqueness are determined.
Professional diagnosis of personality disorders is based on the opinion of a specialist preceded by an examination using a standardized psychometric tool. This is, for example, the SCID-5-PD Questionnaire, which is used to determine personality structure disorders.
How is the treatment of narcissism carried out?
Self-determination for therapy in the case of narcissists is very rare. They find a great deal of reinforcement in their everyday life, which allows them to provide stimuli that are useful in idealizing themselves. As a result, they manage to function well in society, which obscures the need to seek help from a specialist. For help, they go only to the best specialists who match their uniqueness. In the case of milder forms of narcissism, they are referred for help by their loved ones, who are unable to continue functioning with a narcissistic person.
Treatment of narcissism is complicated. It is not uncommon for narcissists to blame other people for their problems, and to try to dominate the therapist. The best prognosis has people who have at least minimal concern for other people, a higher level of empathy. In contrast, patients who react aggressively and have low levels of empathy have problems with treatment.
During therapy, the specialist seeks to minimize the strength of the internal belief of having special beliefs. At the same time, he works on increasing contact with others, greater understanding and experiencing closeness.
What does schema therapy look like in the treatment of narcissism?
Schema therapy is a promising method for treating narcissism, focusing on restructuring the deep-rooted thought and emotional patterns characteristic of the disorder.
One of the key aspects of this approach is building the patient’s self-awareness in the context of his or her schemas, enabling him or her to understand narcissistic mechanisms.
Modes in schema therapy for narcissistic patients
Narcissism is a complex personality disorder that can be better understood by analyzing specific schema modes. This approach, based on schema therapy, allows for a deeper understanding of the internal mechanisms of the narcissistic personality.
- Lonely/ashamed child mode. This mode is characterized by feelings of isolation, lack of love and rejection. The narcissistic person feels “average,” empty and socially unaccepted. This mode is triggered when the narcissist loses a sense of privilege, attention from those around him or her, or a certain status.
- Themode of the impulsive, frustrated child. In this mode, a narcissistic person is easily frustrated, impatient and prone to outbursts. He attacks when he does not receive immediate gratification or encounters difficult challenges.
- Overcompensation mode. This is a key mode in which the narcissist presents himself as superior, convinced of his own greatness, above the rules and arrogant. It is a way to compensate for the inner feelings of a lonely/ashamed child. The narcissist often viciously criticizes others in this mode without showing empathy.
- Disconnected Self-Admiration Mode. In this mode, the narcissistic person cuts himself off from painful emotions and avoids activating the lonely child mode. This can lead to excessive work, compulsive sexual behavior, gambling or the use of psychoactive substances.
- The demanding parent mode. This inner voice demands extraordinary achievements and the maintenance of high standards. It is often an internalized message from early caregivers.
- Healthy adult mode. Under limited conditions, a narcissistic person can exhibit genuine sensitivity, empathy and responsibility. During the therapeutic process, this mode is strengthened and developed.
The key in working with people with narcissism is to recognize the underlying sense of shame and loneliness, while working to reduce overcompensation and destructive behavior. Developing a healthy adult mode can lead to more balanced and empathetic functioning.
Summary
Through the therapeutic process, a narcissistic person has a chance to work through deep-rooted traumas and lack of self-esteem. It is important not to succumb to stereotypes and simplifications in evaluating people with tendencies of narcissistic personality disorder. Therapy provides the need for an individualized approach to each case, taking into account the life context and life history.
Schema therapy also enables one to develop the capacity for emotional intimacy, which is an important element in overcoming narcissistic social isolation and loneliness. Building healthy self-awareness and empathy can be the key to transforming narcissistic traits into more sustainable forms of self-acceptance. This process requires time, reflection and support from a specialist.
Bibliography:
Wendy Behary. Disarm the narcissist. How to deal with a self-obsessed person. GWP 2013
Beck Aaron T. Freeman Arthur Davis Denise D; Cognitive therapy for personality disorders. WUJ 2016