Sometimes you meet people who have exceptional charisma and personal charm, but on closer acquaintance turn out to be self-obsessed and lacking in empathy. Perhaps these are symptoms of the personality disorder they suffer from, which is known as narcissistic personality disorder. A relationship with such a person can sometimes be extremely difficult and full of strong emotions, and it also happens that it is impossible to continue due to the symptoms of the disorder. So what exactly are they, how to recognize them, can narcissism be treated, and what is a relationship like with a person who suffers from this type of disorder?
What is narcissism and how does it arise?
Narcissism is a personality disorder characterized, among other things, by the fact that the affected person is convinced of his or her own superiority and uniqueness and that he or she was destined for a higher purpose. Other features of narcissism also include a lack of empathy, an inability to empathize with the perspective of others, and a need to be admired.
How does narcissism arise? It cannot be clearly defined, but genetic, environmental and educational factors are distinguished. In science, there is a division between primary narcissism and developmental narcissism. Primary narcissism is a concept introduced by Sigmund Freud, who used it to describe the early stages of a child’s development. This is because at the beginning of its life it is focused solely on itself and its needs. Developmental narcissism, on the other hand, occurs during life and genetic factors, for example, may be responsible for it. This is supported by the fact that narcissistic personality disorder often occurs more than once in one family. This type of disorder is also blamed on too little or too much attention the child received from parents during childhood. If parents treat a child as if he or she is special and the only one in the world, the child may not have the chance to develop sensitivity to others’ perspectives. In turn, the family’s emotional coldness can also take its toll on the child and cause him to seek attention and interest in adulthood. Experienced trauma also often influences the development of such a disorder. However, it is difficult to clearly identify the moment when narcissism arises.
Symptoms of narcissism
The traits and behaviors by which narcissism can be recognized and diagnosed are varied. These include difficulties in maintaining relationships, especially long-term ones. A narcissist is unable to live in a healthy, partnered relationship. Another sign of the presence of the disorder is that mood and sometimes even self-esteem depend on the recognition or approval of those around them. When a narcissist receives a lot of attention, he is happy. It is worse when he is overshadowed or experiences setbacks and difficulties. There are also problems in the narcissist ‘s behavior in controlling emotions and dealing with stress. A narcissist may feel and show envy, stemming from a failure to understand that he is not always a person’s priority. This means that he sometimes reaches for psychological violence against others. At the same time, a narcissist can be charismatic, confident, attracting the attention of those around him. Often in the context of these disorders also falls the term manipulation-narcissism is associated with this type of behavior and attempts to influence those around him. Other words used to describe such a person are sociopath (a person who is unable to conform to the norms of society) or Machiavellianism (a personality that manifests a lack of higher feelings).
At the same time, a narcissist is not always feisty, confident and manipulative of the environment. There is a well-known term such as covert narcissism. It manifests itself in a person’s withdrawal, smallness, avoidance of contacts. Such a narcissist can be perceived as an outsider, someone who avoids people, an introvert.
How to treat narcissism?
Narcissistic personality disorder should be diagnosed with a specialist, who will also determine what steps the reporting person should take. Narcissistic people are often referred for further treatment in the offices of therapists and psychologists. When narcissism is diagnosed , therapy may be necessary. Without it, a person suffering from this disorder may not be able to function in relationships with other people, for example. Schema therapy works with narcissism. First of all, however, the narcissist must want to change – his disorder is not a disease, but schemas firmly embedded in the structures of his personality. Therapy can help him, but without an independent desire to improve, it won’t do much. However, it is difficult to convince a narcissist that he should change because he is hurting other people with his behavior. A narcissistic personality implies a belief in one’s superiority over others.
The use of schema therapy in the treatment of narcissism
Most narcissistic patients manifest many unrealized needs in their lives; they have not experienced unconditional love, unconditional acceptance, warmth, empathy and understanding from a parent or significant other, with the frequent experience of not setting realistic boundaries. Patients in their adult lives report frequent feelings of emptiness, loneliness, feeling abused and exploited and often ultimately rejected. In addition to the lonely child mode, the patient manifests a grandiosity mode – the Self-Admirer – and avoidant modes – the Detached Protector or the Detached Self-Admirer.
The goals in the treatment of narcissistic disorders are first and foremost: to help the lonely child to feel care and understanding. It is important that other emotions begin to function around the narcissist, so that he begins to show emotions that will bring him closer to others. Another aspect is to work on resisting grandiose modes, so that the patient gradually gives up seeking recognition and grandiose behavior in favor of genuine tenderness and caring. Minimizing avoidance strategies and replacing them with behaviors related to taking care of oneself and seeing one’s worth not only through the lens of achievement is also an important issue.
Narcissism-How to deal with a narcissistic person? Relationship with a narcissist and examples of behavior
As you can assume, a relationship with a narcissist is not the easiest one and requires a lot of work and patience from the partner. First of all, this is because a narcissist has no sensitivity to the feelings and emotions of the other person. Thus, he cannot empathize with her situation, and also believes that he is the most important one. This leads to attempts to manipulate the other person. Also, the narcissist can’t be counted on to react like any other person in difficult situations or situations where conflict arises, fitting into the familiar patterns and patterns of behavior known to healthy people. So what exactly does a relationship with a narcissist look like?
When a narcissist suffers, it means that his self-esteem and sense of superiority has been violated. It could also be because the partner person doesn’t allow himself to be manipulated or puts limits on the narcissist.
When the narcissist says, “I love you,” he probably means not his feelings for the person, but how he allows himself to be treated. People with this disorder like the fact that they get attention and are the center of attention.
When a narcissist apologizes, he usually does so in such a way that the other person feels that the whole situation is his fault anyway. The apology is forced, and the narcissist thinks he did nothing wrong anyway.
When a narcissist ignores, it can be a manipulation on his part to get attention and make the other person start thinking about what he did wrong.
When anarcissist remains silent, it could be a reaction to someone putting limits on him and not accepting his behavior. Then the narcissist keeps silent to punish such a person and let him know that his reaction is unacceptable. He, after all, has done nothing wrong.
When a narcissist cheats, it stems from his sense of superiority and his inability to commit to a relationship and attach to another person. Cheating can also result from a strong need to satisfy one’s own needs, which in a narcissist always come first.
So how to react when dealing with such behavior? First of all, it is necessary to realize that on your own, without the help of a specialist and, above all, the willingness of the disturbed person to implement changes, you will not be able to help the narcissist. One should not sacrifice oneself in an attempt to heal the other person. Everything also depends on the type of relationship one is in with the narcissist and how important it is to the other person. One should also be aware that such a relationship will also require a lot of work. There will also be difficult emotions in it. Agreeing with the narcissist to work together on his disorder and reaching out for help from a specialist is the only way to be in a relationship with a disturbed person. Such an organized action gives the person with a narcissistic personality a chance to change his behavior and survive the relationship. In such a relationship, one should also set boundaries and firmly say “no.” One should not succumb to a person with narcissistic personality disorder, as he will certainly use this to his advantage. One should also not succumb to his manipulations. It is important to be aware of what such a disorder looks like so that you can recognize situations in which narcissistic behavior manifests itself.
Thus, people with narcissistic personality disorder are characterized by a sense of superiority over others, a lack of empathy for others, manipulation of others, and a mood that depends on self-esteem. A relationship with a person with narcissistic personality disorder is difficult and requires work. For it to work, the narcissist must want to change and start behaving differently. It is also necessary to seek the help of a specialist and start therapy in the appropriate stream. This will give the narcissist a chance to change.
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