Breaking up with a loved one is never easy. It takes a long time to accept the new reality. Unfortunately, for some people, the sadness after a breakup can turn into depression. This illness is often triggered by such strong and traumatic events. How can you tell if the difficult emotions you experience after a breakup are actually depression? What are the causes of depression? How can you support someone with depression after a breakup?
What is post-breakup depression?
Post-breakup depression is a condition in which a significant mood decline following a painful breakup with a partner or other loved one has developed into a medical condition requiring appropriate treatment. Post-breakup depression is depression triggered by a breakup, but its course is often the same as in people who have experienced depression at other times in their lives.
Post-breakup depression most often occurs in romantic relationships, where a painful loss, when both parties were strongly emotionally attached to each other, can be very overwhelming.
Post-breakup depression can also accompany the breakdown of other social bonds, such as deep, long-standing friendships or family ties. Their common denominator is the fact that a loved one is no longer present in the patient’s life in the same way as before, or at all. In the case of romantic relationships, breakups are often accompanied by a great deal of stress over a long period of time, related to, for example, moving house, divorce formalities, etc. Being stuck in a relationship that, although over, is still present in our lives, contributes to a lasting low mood and, as a result, the development of depression.
People who lose a close relationship often also lose their sense of security and the strength to face everyday challenges. For some, this state is so difficult to bear that it turns into depression.
How can you tell if it is depression?
It is important to remember that not all difficult feelings that arise after a breakup with a loved one are a sign of depression. Emotions such as sadness, anger, confusion, and helplessness are a natural part of breakups, especially if the relationship ended in a conflictual, hostile atmosphere. For many people, the feelings of rejection and the associated low mood will pass on their own.
The breakup itself and the accompanying changes, such as a change of residence, increase stress levels for both parties. Often, people intuitively withdraw from social life for a while after a breakup to give themselves time to work through the difficult experience and regain their mental balance. In this case, it is important to observe how long this withdrawal lasts and whether it leads to improvement.
It is alarming if the state of depression, sadness, and irritability lasts for two weeks without interruption. If the patient experiences the above-described negative emotions for most of the day, depression may be suspected. Seek help immediately, online depression treatment – online psychotherapy.
Common symptoms of depression after a breakup
The symptoms of depression include a wide range of feelings and behaviors, but not all of them have to occur together and in every patient in order to diagnose depression. Depression manifests itself not only as a mental illness, but is also accompanied by physical disorders.
Depression after a breakup – symptoms:
- Intense sadness, felt for most of the day
- Feeling of hopelessness
- Increased irritability
- Increased tearfulness
- Inability to concentrate, reduced intellectual activity
- Memory problems
- Appetite disorders—some people overeat to cope with their emotions, while others lose their appetite or forget to eat
- Sleep disorders – insomnia may occur, or, conversely, a person with depression may sleep much more than usual
- Change in circadian rhythm – related to sleep disorders, getting up and going to bed at different times than usual.
- Lack of energy and extreme fatigue. All the tasks that a person performed on a daily basis become very difficult or even impossible to perform when they are ill.
- Reduced or no libido.
It is worth remembering that depression affects everyone differently. It largely depends on its underlying causes, previous experiences, and personality type. In some people, depression may also be accompanied by anxiety symptoms and various somatic pains, such as headaches or stomach problems. Remember to always seek professional advice if you find any symptoms worrying.
Insomnia after a breakup—how to prevent it?
Insomnia after a breakup is one of the most common symptoms that make life difficult for those who have been abandoned. It can consist of difficulty falling asleep or frequent waking during the night. It can also involve the inability to sleep for more than a few hours at a time. The sleep of people struggling with insomnia is shallow and interrupted. In the morning, such people are still tired and have less energy. Insomnia may also be accompanied by headaches.
Sleepless nights often exacerbate other symptoms of depression, such as irritability or feelings of helplessness. There is a link between insomnia and the number of suicide attempts. Therefore, this symptom should be eliminated from the patient’s life as soon as possible.
Insomnia can be treated with appropriately selected medications and changes in sleep hygiene habits. What can you do to help fight insomnia? If you have the strength, try to work on your sleep routine. Keep track of your wake-up and bedtimes, and it is crucial to get up at the same time every day. Make sure you calm down before bed, don’t use your phone right before going to sleep, and don’t eat right before bed. Avoid drinking caffeinated beverages 6 to 8 hours before bedtime. It’s also a good idea to make your bedroom a place for sleeping only and to eliminate naps during the day.
It is important to address insomnia as soon as possible, as incorrect patterns related to the circadian rhythm quickly become ingrained. Do not allow insomnia after a breakup to become permanent.
Where does depression after a breakup come from? Emotional crises after a breakup
Although depression resulting from the loss of a loved one can affect anyone, there are certain factors that increase the risk. In the process of overcoming depression, it is important to realize where the illness comes from. Understanding the processes taking place in the brain helps you to treat yourself with kindness and give yourself time to heal.
Psychological causes
How is it that some people are more prone to depression than others? There are certain personality traits that increase the likelihood of developing depression. When a person with such traits finds themselves in an unfavorable situation in life, experiences a difficult situation, such as the breakup discussed here, they may be prone to depressive states and, if overlooked, may develop the illness.
These traits include, among others:
- neuroticism
- perfectionism
- anxiety
- low self-esteem
Social factors should also be added to the causes of depression. People who do not have strong social relationships feel lonely, have difficulty making new friends, will experience breakups worse, and thus will be more prone to depression after a breakup. A strong network of social relationships provides a sense of security and agency, and it is worth taking care of it, especially after a breakup.
Biological causes
The biological basis of depression is also important in understanding it. The most important theory of the development of this disease refers to deficiencies in neurotransmitters such as dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine. A deficiency of neurotransmitters disrupts the transmission of signals between neurons. Many drugs used to treat depression are based on improving neurotransmission. By regulating brain chemistry, they combat the symptoms of depression.
Hormonal disorders are also biological causes of depression. An imbalance in thyroid or sex hormones can result in depression. In such cases, in addition to treating depression, the underlying problem must also be addressed and the body’s hormonal balance must be worked on with appropriate medications and habits.
How to cope with depression after a breakup? How to start experiencing things differently?
There is no single effective way to overcome depression after a breakup. The first step should be to seek professional help. If you suspect that you are experiencing depression after being abandoned, see a specialist. Ideally, this should be a psychiatrist or psychotherapist, but if for some reason this is not possible at the moment, your family doctor can also offer first aid for depression. For some people, treatment will include both medication and psychotherapy. The latter is worth undertaking in order to work through the painful breakup in a safe environment and with the help of a specialist, to learn about your thought patterns and confront them. Psychotherapy will not only help you overcome depression, but also equip you with tools to recognize depressive episodes more quickly in the future and ways to deal with them. There are many types of psychotherapy that can help treat depression, and their selection is an individual matter for each patient.
One of the most commonly used approaches in the fight against depression is cognitive-behavioral therapy. Cognitive-behavioral therapy ( CBT) is one of the most effective therapeutic approaches to treating depression. It aims to help people suffering from depression identify and change the thoughts and behaviors that contribute to their emotional distress.
Here are some key elements of cognitive-behavioral therapy in the context of treating depression:
- Working with thoughts. CBT therapists help patients identify negative or harmful thoughts that may exacerbate depression. Once identified, these thoughts are analyzed in terms of their accuracy and alternative ways of thinking.
- Changing thoughts. Therapists help patients replace negative thoughts with more realistic and constructive beliefs. This can help reduce feelings of hopelessness, guilt, and worthlessness.
- Developing coping skills. CBT focuses on teaching specific skills for coping with depression. Individuals learn strategies such as problem solving, positive thinking, relaxation, and stress reduction.
- Teaching adaptive behaviors. In CBT, patients work to identify and change behaviors that may contribute to depression. This may include avoiding social situations, withdrawing from activities, or isolating oneself.
- Mood monitoring. People learn to track their mood and thoughts in their daily lives. This helps them understand what may cause their mood to worsen or improve.
What can you do yourself to cope with a breakup? Is a psychologist always necessary?
There is no single recipe for how to live after a breakup. However, there are a number of things you can do in addition to your treatment to help yourself overcome depression after a breakup. First of all, allow yourself to feel sad after the breakup and experience difficult emotions. Suppressing them only prolongs the healing process. In the case of the loss of a loved one, the method of radical acceptance works best. Do not judge, try to accept the new situation as it is. It is normal to feel a range of extreme emotions after being abandoned, allow yourself to feel them and they will pass more quickly.
Don’t give up on your current life. It’s difficult to function normally in society when you feel like your world has fallen apart. However, it’s worth trying. Getting involved in social relationships will help you feel safe and less alone in the world. Remember your friends, family, and acquaintances. Spend time with them. Get involved in work and other responsibilities that you have performed so far. Maintaining your daily routine will speed up your recovery and allow you to avoid excessive grief after the breakup.
Also, remember to exercise and eat a healthy diet. Both of these have a proven positive effect on mental health. Even one short walk a day is a step towards regaining your balance! In addition, a nutritious diet prevents deficiencies in vitamins and minerals that are essential for health. These deficiencies can also contribute to depression and make it more difficult to treat.
A new beginning: how to turn the sadness of a breakup into hope
A breakup is one of the most difficult experiences you can face. Sadness, grief, and emptiness are natural, but it is in these emotions that the potential for change lies. Although you may feel like the world has stopped, over time you may discover a strength within yourself that you didn’t know you had.
Allow yourself to feel your emotions – this is the first step to change
You don’t have to pretend that everything is fine. Your tears, anger, and disappointment are important and have a right to be there. Allow yourself to experience them, don’t judge yourself for what you feel. Accepting your emotions is the first step to regaining balance and opening yourself up to new possibilities.
Take care of yourself with tenderness
In difficult times, it’s easy to forget about your own needs. Try to do something small just for yourself every day – it could be a walk, a cup of your favorite tea, a few minutes with a book, or a relaxing bath. Such gestures are not a luxury, but an expression of self-care. Thanks to them, you will gradually rebuild your sense of security and agency.
Rediscover your resources and passions
A breakup is a time when you can ask yourself: “What do I need right now? What have I always wanted to do but lacked the courage or time to do?” Perhaps you will rediscover a passion, return to old interests, try new activities, or decide to learn something that has always fascinated you. Every step, even the smallest one, is an investment in your future.
Small successes build hope
You don’t have to plan big changes right away. Focus on small achievements – going for a walk, meeting a friend, signing up for a workshop, or completing a task you’ve been putting off for a long time. Each step strengthens your self-esteem and shows that you can take care of yourself, even in difficult times.
Trust the process – give yourself time
Personal growth doesn’t happen overnight. Give yourself space to wander, doubt, and return to old patterns. It’s a natural part of change. Over time, sadness will give way to curiosity and hope for the future. Allow yourself to dream and set new goals – even if they seem unattainable at first.
How to support someone with depression after a breakup?
How can you help someone with depression? If you notice that someone close to you is showing signs of depression after a breakup, immediately refer them to professional help. You can also give them the phone numbers of helplines or crisis intervention centers in your city.
What else you can do is to be there for the person with depression and show them that you understand. People who have gone through a breakup often don’t like to be alone, and until they get used to it, it’s a good idea to support them with your presence. Remember that for many people diagnosed with depression, everyday life is so overwhelming that they may not be able to go out, for example. Don’t expect too much, try to adapt to the capabilities of the person who is ill.
As treatment progresses, you can try to involve the person with depression in some kind of social activity. Meetings with a group of friends, going to a group fitness class or volunteering can effectively help a person who has gone through a breakup to restore social bonds and feel a sense of purpose in life.
How to prevent depression after a breakup?
To prevent depression after a breakup, it is crucial to understand the process you are going through. The disappearance of a loved one from our lives often manifests itself in the same way as mourning, and should be treated as such. Accepting this state and allowing yourself to experience your emotions can shorten the time you suffer after a breakup and thus prevent severe depression from developing.
After a breakup, it is worth observing your thoughts and looking at them from a distance. Mindfulness practices can be helpful. Remember that it is not situations that trigger feelings, but your thoughts about them. Try not to fall into excessive cognitive distortions, such as zero-one thinking, such as “no one will ever love me again” or “I will always be alone.” Notice unsupportive thought patterns and replace them with ones that will help you get over the grief of the breakup.
Right after the breakup, give yourself a break from all the things you’ve been doing so far, but don’t withdraw from life permanently. Getting involved in work or your own hobbies can effectively protect you from falling into depression.
Give yourself time
Breakups are a complex and difficult topic, regardless of what stage of life you are at. The most important thing is to give yourself time to put your life back together. We often feel that relationships define us and determine which direction we should go in. However, this is not entirely true. You don’t have to look for your other half—you are whole on your own.
After a painful breakup, observe your thoughts and body. Respond to any worrying symptoms. Depression is an illness that anyone can suffer from. If you feel you need support, reach out for it.