Complaining is as common among humans as breathing. Constant complaining can lead to serious brain damage and trigger stress, with negative consequences for overall well-being and cognitive ability. For many people, complaining brings a kind of relief and allows them to relax for a while. It is an activity similar to other small joys, such as eating sweets, for example, which bring pleasure and in small doses do no harm. Unfortunately, some people can’t help themselves and expressing their displeasure becomes a common practice with them, dominating every conversation they start with others. Some studies reveal that people can complain even every minute in ordinary conversation! However, the same results also show that this provides only temporary relief, and can have the same disastrous effects as second-hand smoke. So what exactly is toxic complaining, why is it so common and harmful, and what can be done to end this unhealthy habit and stop verbally expressing dissatisfaction with everything?
What is complaining?
It is worth looking at what complaining actually is and how it is defined. Dictionaries mention that it is to express a negative opinion about someone or something or to show one’s dissatisfaction in a given situation. Complaining is commonly referred to as whining. If you allow yourself to do it once in a while, there is nothing disturbing about it. After all, in every person’s life there are situations or aspects with which he or she is not entirely satisfied or which cause him or her frustrations. Complaining about them may relieve you or make a close person, after listening to your arguments, help you find a solution to the problem. However, if complaining is the basis of most of your conversation, your interlocutor or your interlocutor may feel that something is wrong. Many complainers, after having such a conversation, also begin to feel that what happened was wrong in some way, and that they themselves behaved badly. This is a sign that perpetual criticism and complaining is a behavior that serves no one in the long run. Complaining negatively affects our brains and health, because frequent expression of negative feelings leads to reprogramming of neurons, which hinders positive thinking. It can be compared to lighting up a cigarette – for a while the smoker feels better, relaxes and loosens up, but years of addiction will eventually take its toll on him in a very unpleasant way.
Complaining can take many forms
Toxic complaining manifests itself in a variety of ways and is also linked in some way to a person’s mental condition. This is because it is often abused by people who constantly feel like victims of bad luck and their environment. As a result, they are unable to see the positive aspects of their life and constantly express dissatisfaction with it. The human brain quickly picks up many behaviors and habits. If you complain often, each subsequent such behavior will become easier and easier for you and will eventually turn into a reaction that is obvious to the mind. This is because it strives to use as little energy as possible, and it also forces us to use the neural branching that already exists. So it’s obvious that in all sorts of situations it will make use of the connections it has already made, that is, the familiar process of complaining. In this way, expressing dissatisfaction becomes the default response for the mind. So if one constantly puts oneself in the role of a victim wronged by life, it will be difficult for one to switch to a different way of thinking and start reaching for new means of expression that are not toxic complaining. Each and every one of us knows such people – they often react with anger or irony and constantly focus on negative experiences. Because of this, they are unable to see the bright sides of reality. If you brag to them about your achievement, they probably don’t pay attention to it or trivialize it, instead they spend a lot of time analyzing all the unfortunate incidents that have occurred in their lives. Mirror neurons are the foundation of our ability to feel empathy, and people can unconsciously pick up negative moods from others.
Does complaining have a toxic effect?
Constant listening to complaining can cause fatigue, exhaustion with others or irritation. After all, it is not easy to have a constructive conversation with someone who constantly expresses his dissatisfaction. Seemingly, it seems to be only tiring for the recipient, but we now know that the impact of complaining can be really serious also for the whiner himself**.** This is because it affects the human body and its condition negatively. Listening to complaining destroys part of the brain, and this has already been scientifically proven. So being in the company of a person who is always unhappy may one day take a toll on your health. You will also suffer fatal consequences if you are that person. It is worth realizing how unhealthy such constant complaining is – psychology treats it in terms of harmful mechanisms that a person should get rid of for his own good.
It is now even said that complaining can cause the same damage in the brain as Alzheimer’s disease. This is because it affects those areas of the mind that are responsible for intelligent thinking and problem solving. The hippocampus, the element responsible for memory, learning ability, spatial orientation and linking information from short-term memory to long-term memory, is then reduced. Thus, complaining takes a toll on your cognitive abilities. In addition, complaining is also responsible for the release of the stress hormone cortisol. Its negative effects on the body are well known. It is behind many diseases and contributes to deficiencies in the body, so it has a direct impact on health. So if you complain a lot, you are unfortunately harming yourself. Scientists also say that complaining triggers a reaction in the body similar to that which occurs when faced with a real threat. This is because cortisol redirects all resources, including oxygen, to the parts that are responsible for fight and flight in difficult situations. However, when the danger does not actually exist, and we are merely giving vent to our frustration, this response of the body will not go unnoticed in the body and will have its unpleasant consequences. Among other things, it involves the premature death of neurons. Mirror neurons are the basis of our ability to feel empathy, and our brains naturally and unconsciously take on the moods and emotions of those we spend time with.
The perpetual malcontent. Why is complaining so common?
If complaining is so harmful to the human brain, why do so many people practice it so often? It’s relatively simple: it’s very easy to complain, among other things through the aforementioned action of the brain, which wants to save energy. However, other aspects are also worth considering. First of all, it is a way of experiencing temporary relief, allowing one to discharge tension and accumulated frustration. However, this is an illusion, because complaining does not lead to action, but to further intense concentration on the problem and ruminating about it. In addition, it is very easy to acquire a pattern of behavior in which we constantly pick out aspects from the reality around us that deserve criticism. In this way, we change our own perspective and quickly learn to see primarily negative elements, instead of focusing on what delights, brings joy or a feeling of belonging. In this way, we distort our own reality.
It is said that we often take over the habit of complaining from other people. Thus, it can be said that it is contagious in its own way. If in your family home everyone was notoriously unhappy and expressed it all the time, it’s understandable that you might have taken over their way of seeing the world and unconsciously acquired this habit. However, it’s worth noticing the patterns we’re duplicating and considering whether they serve us well. By noticing the habit of complaining in yourself, you have a chance to change this pattern and adjust in a way that is optimal for you, and in the process stop affecting your loved ones negatively. After all, toxic complaining affects the well-being of the entire family.
Paradoxically, taking over complaining from others has to do with empathy and the ability to empathize. When someone has a problem and complains about it in our presence, it’s easy to empathize with their situation and start feeling sorry for them. Scientists refer to this as mirror neurons. Unfortunately, it also involves the creation of connections in the brain that will make it much easier for us to complain next time. This is because they will be patterns that are already familiar to us, which will be easy to reproduce when it is us who encounter something unpleasant or frustrating. So if you are in the company of people who constantly criticize or complain about something, carefully dispose of your empathy so as not to hurt yourself. Also pay attention to the person’s behavior. In extreme cases, cutting yourself off from a whiner may be healthier than continuing such a toxic relationship (which could be, for example, a toxic friendship).
Often ]it happens that people who have a habit of complaining have experienced violence in childhood, which caused them to develop such a reaction to the world around them. Mental, physical aggression or violence expressed in a passive way can develop a habit of complaining in the victim, which he or she will pass on after starting a family of their own. In such cases, it is important to break the generational trauma by recognizing the problem and working on it together.
Toxic relationship. Complaining makes us distance ourselves
Toxic complaining can be destructive to a relationship because the negative energy weakens the bond with a partner. Complaining in a relationship is a behavior in which one or both people constantly focus on the negative, constantly express dissatisfaction and criticism, and find it difficult to see the positive sides of a situation or relationship. This can lead to tension and frustration, the consequence of which can be loneliness in a relationship. Its cause can be many factors, such as lack of communication, unrealistic expectations, lack of conflict resolution skills or low self-esteem.
How to stop complaining? How to cope?
Since toxic complaining is harmful and takes a toll on the health of the whiner and his or her loved ones, many people are actively seeking a way to free themselves from this pernicious habit. Today, there are a number of methods to help people addicted to complaining break the harmful patterns their brains have become accustomed to over the years. They are meant to support these people in getting out of the victim role or to change their extremely pessimistic view of reality so that they stop harming themselves and their environment.
One suggestion is to develop the opposite habit related to gratitude. It involves noticing every time we feel the urge to complain on a conscious level, then immediately redirecting our attention to the good things for which we are grateful to the world, to people, to fate. In this way, we create new pathways in the brain, to which it will reflexively reach after a while, instead of focusing on familiar patterns of complaining. This practice should be repeated until the new habit becomes automatic. Doing so reduces the level of cortisol released. Researchers at the University of California noticed a significant improvement in moods and an increase in energy in people who practiced gratitude regularly. So if you get into an unpleasant accident, such as a car breakdown, instead of getting upset about it and angry about the time wasted visiting the repair shop, try focusing on the fact that fortunately your car is insured and the repair of the defect will be covered.
Before you start complaining, or when you observe that you’ve already started doing so, stop for a moment. Try to quiet down and calm yourself down. Observe your thoughts as if they belong to someone else. Use this moment to look at your emotions and the problem that caused them. Consider whether it is really worth such a reaction and negative feelings. Such a mechanism will allow you to more easily control your behavior in the face of difficulties. In doing so, it is important to understand what anger is and that it can be expressed in a constructive way, instead of suppressing it or inadequately exploding off the scale. It’s worth learning ways to rationally resolve conflicts of all kinds, so you can avoid the sense of frustration and disappointment that sustains the habit of complaining. Instead of complaining about prolonged overtime, consider whether it really has only negative aspects, and perhaps consider talking to your boss to find a solution that satisfies everyone. Complaining alone, unfortunately, will not solve any problem, it will only make you relive it all over again.
Where does he seek help for complaining?
The moment you recognize the symptoms of toxic complainingin yourself , it’s worth trying to eliminate it right away. There are many ways that you can implement into your life on your own to try to eradicate unhealthy habits on your own. After all, working on yourself is possible and can bring satisfactory results. If the complaining affects a person in your immediate environment, it’s worth confronting her with it and explaining how destructive the behavior is to people around her. Perhaps this will be an impetus for her to think about her habits and the way she looks at the world.
However, if you feel that you can’t manage to get rid of complaining from your life on your own, or that there’s a bigger problem behind it, it’s worth taking help from specialists. A visit to a psychologist or therapist is a good way to find the source of the verbally expressed frustration and to choose the best way to fight it. The psychologist will suggest what solutions can be implemented and practiced daily. And if your complaining turns out to be a symptom of a much more serious problem, you will be supported in recognizing it. In this way, you will get the help you need and learn how best to deal with the ailments affecting you, instead of burdening yourself and your loved ones with their effects, daily exposed to the effects of the anger or frustration you feel. Online psychotherapy will be just as effective here as in the office.
Toxic complaining is therefore not just a character trait or an element of national culture to be accepted. It can be looked at as a widespread problem with clearly negative consequences for the human mind, physical and mental health. The ease with which one acquires the habit of complaining is insidious, not least because it brings temporary relief. It’s easy for us to downplay it, meanwhile, when we realize the concrete damage it causes, such as by triggering a rise in cortisol levels, it takes on the status of a real problem. Consciously observing complaining, stopping and changing our train of thought, redirecting our attention to other aspects of reality, can be the first step on the road to healthier functioning.