Although our society is increasingly open, sex is still a taboo subject. And it’s especially common to want to keep quiet when things don’t go well in bed.
Virtually no one talks about Kehrer syndrome, resulting from sexual dissatisfaction, because it’s embarrassing, unpleasant, difficult… but when you don’t bring up the problematic topic, it doesn’t go away at all. So today let’s break the barrier of shame and talk about widow’s disease, which… affects not only widows. From the article you will learn what are the characteristics of Kehrer syndrome, what are the symptoms and how to treat it?
Kehrer syndrome – a mysterious disease
Widow’s disease? Kehrer syndrome? Both of these names sound quite mysterious. Many people have no idea at all that such a thing exists. So if these terms have never flashed across our ears, it’s not surprising. The condition they describe is not diagnosed often.
Besides, there seems to be little talk about it in the medical community itself. There is a lack of broad analyses of the disease and studies that lean into Kehrer syndrome and shed new light on it. However, this does not mean that widow’s disease was discovered a few months ago. In Polish-language sources, one can find information about it dating as far back as the 1990s.
Kehrer syndrome, widow’s disease – what is it?
Widow’s disease, five-symptom disease and Kehrer syndrome are three terms for the same condition. And it comes from the inability to fully satisfy one’s sexual arousal.
The problem usually affects single women who have not been in a relationship for a long time and widows. Loneliness affects the psyche but also our physicality. However, Kehrer syndrome also appears in young ladies who have only recently started cohabitation and in middle-aged women who have not had any sexual problems so far.
Kehrer syndrome – symptom
We can recognize Kehrer syndrome by several physical symptoms. However, before they appear, purely psychological complaints are observed. In the first phase of widow’s disease, we have to deal with nervousness, tension and irritability, feelings of anxiety and bitterness. There are also problems with controlling emotions, generally finding an outlet in sudden outbursts of anger.
The first appearing symptoms are associated with premenstrual syndrome or worse moods caused by hormonal fluctuations. However, they do not disappear after a few days; on the contrary, they persist for weeks. They also have a much higher intensity.
Gradually, physical symptoms appear alongside the mental ones. As with any condition, not every ailment has to be of the same intensity.
Symptoms of widow’s disease
- lower abdominal and sacral pain,
- soreness and spasms of the sacro-uterine ligaments,
- pains in the pelvic area
- menstrual disorders (cycles become very irregular),
- varicose veins appearing in the vaginal area, anus and even on the lower legs,
- burning and itching of the intimate area (discharge of various colors may also appear).
Widow’s disease – causes
The causes of the onset of Kehrer syndrome can be many. In addition to separation and widowhood, often the appearance of this disease is associated with a long period of separation from the partner (for example, when his work requires him to constantly travel and stay away from the place of residence, the so-called long-distance relationship). It may also be that although we have a partner next to us on a daily basis, we do not cohabitate with him for various reasons.
Lack of sexual activity is most often due to a turbulent mood between partners. Constant quarrels, arguments and blaming each other for failures leads to a situation where we want to be as far away from our partner as possible. And this leads to the abandonment of rapprochement.
The fault may also lie with the man suffering from sexual dysfunction. Then he can’t meet his partner’s expectations, and the latter stops getting pleasure from intercourse. Sometimes, too, the man focuses only on himself, bypassing the woman completely. He treats her as if she were a tool to satisfy his needs, completely ignoring how she feels and what her expectations are.
Widow’s disease can also be caused by mental blocks. Huge complexes about one’s own body, attractiveness, bed skills, as well as fears of unwanted pregnancy, keep us from deriving pleasure from intercourse. And although we feel sexual desire, we do not satisfy it.
In summary, the causes of Kehrer syndrome include:
- avoidance of intercourse with a partner due to feelings of aversion toward him,
- lack of sexual contact due to separation from a partner or his death,
- lack of satisfaction, prolonged lack of orgasm,
- large differences in sexual temperaments of partners,
- sexual dysfunctions on the part of the man, which reflect on the quality of intercourse,
- mental blocks and limitations that prevent a woman from enjoying her sexual life.
Kehrer’s disease, sick widowhood, is the cause purely sexual?
Widow’s disease should not be confused with a lack of libido or, on the contrary, its elevated level. The sexual needs of patients are normal.
In addition, it is also worth remembering that all physical symptoms are preceded by long-term malaise. Moreover, ailments should be analyzed collectively, as each individual one leads us to a different doctor. Lower abdominal and sacral pains lead us to suspect that something bad is going on with the spine. Symptoms resembling premenstrual syndrome, on the other hand, make us glance in the direction of an endocrinologist. Only when all symptoms are put together side by side do they suggest widow’s disease.
Lack of sex, lack of sexual satisfaction. Why is widow’s disease not talked about?
Kehrer syndrome reduces the quality of life. Sometimes we feel the discomfort for years, forgetting what everyday life can be like without it. And while we are not the only ones who suffer from widow’s disease, everyone around us seems to be silent on the subject. Why?
First of all, it is an embarrassing affliction. And on top of that, it is not very often diagnosed. People struggling with it often do not want to reveal themselves and share their experiences. They are afraid of being misunderstood, ridiculed, they feel ashamed. Sometimes they also don’t want to go for a proper diagnosis at all, because talking about intimate problems completely overwhelms them.
Many women also downplay the problem. They think they have too many expectations, that they have made something up or that “everything will pass on its own with time.” They don’t want to go to the doctor even when the symptoms they are experiencing are increasingly interfering with their normal lives.
Widow’s disease in women – what are the beginnings like?
We already know that widow’s disease affects both ladies in stable relationships and those without a regular sexual partner. What’s more, many of them have not complained at all about any sexual difficulties before.
What about when the first unpleasant signs of the disease appear? Most often, we then try to defend ourselves against them. We make attempts at intercourse, but when these fail, our problem grows further.
We are also often not helped by our partners, who do not understand what we are about. It is difficult for them to accept that their partner is not satisfied with their intimate life together and does not achieve orgasm. Especially if she was faking it on a regular basis before and thought everything was as good as it could be. The woman feels a long-term lack of pleasure but often invalidates this sphere of life as less important
Men also usually do not guess how painful symptoms sexual unfulfillment can lead their partners to. This, in turn, only encourages them to downplay the extent of the problem.
Widow’s disease in men
Kehrer syndrome is a typically female condition, and most of the symptoms are impossible in men. However, this does not mean that men do not face ailments associated with unfulfilled sexual needs.
Sexual abstinence in men can lead to, among other things:
– sexual disorders such as premature ejaculation, premature erection, erectile dys function and impotence,
– irritability resulting from unmet sexual needs,
– lowered self-esteem and worsened mood,
– increased risk of prostate cancer,
– increased risk of heart disease,
– lowering immunity.
Diagnosis of Kehrer syndrome
To correctly diagnose Kehrer syndrome, it is necessary to carefully review the symptoms and take into account information about the patient’s intimate life. After all, the complaints experienced without knowing details about the liaison may suggest a number of other ailments (including hormonal, gynecological or urological).
This is why it is so important to gather information comprehensively, and not just take a cursory look at the patient. The doctor should not only pay attention to the symptoms themselves, but take into account the broad context.
How important is cooperation with the doctor?
A lot of responsibility also lies with us – the patients. After all, when we go to a specialist on such an uncomfortable matter, it is natural that we are accompanied by a lot of fear and anxiety. This makes us afraid to accurately describe the problem and share intimate details from our own lives.
However, a professional doctor will not judge us or make unpleasant comments. His job is to recognize diseases and do his best to bring help to those affected. And we, if we want to help ourselves, must cooperate with him. And this is done already at the stage of diagnosis.
Therefore, let’s not be afraid to answer all questions honestly and comprehensively. Let’s try to be precise about what we mean and not leave out any details. Even what on the surface seems unimportant to us may turn out to be crucial to the diagnosis process.
How to treat Kehrer syndrome ?
It would seem that since there is so little talk about widow’s disease, just breaking through and going to the doctor is the hardest step to take. But what if we already know what’s wrong with us? What when the diagnosis falls and we become certain that what we are about to face is Kehrer syndrome? How to treat this disease and how to effectively get rid of its unpleasant symptoms?
In some cases, the symptoms disappear after changing partners, entering a new relationship or when a woman decides to satisfy her needs on her own through masturbation. However, for many reasons, such solutions may not be possible.
Visiting a sexologist together with a partner can also bring great improvement. Proper partner therapy makes it possible to learn how to recognize and satisfy the needs of the other person. This, in turn, greatly improves sex life.
Also very important for the healing process is the very understanding that one’s ailments do not need to be ashamed. Since we have already taken the first step and admitted to the doctor that something is wrong, it is now worth going further. Now comes the time to implement methods by which we will recover. But going through treatment will not at all be a simple and pleasant road. On the contrary, because Kehrer syndrome may have a deeper basis than we think…
Turbulent relationship, psyche and lack of orgasm
Sex and psychology go hand in hand. On a day-to-day basis, it probably doesn’t even occur to us how closely related they are. Now, however, it’s good to understand it. Also to cure widow’s disease.
So how does our psyche affect sex? In the simplest terms, what’s in our head can make us take an action or avoid it. Our expectations, desires, past experiences, as well as fears and hidden anxieties affect how we view sex. They can also stop us from getting close or prevent us from feeling pleasure during it.
In the case of Kehrer syndrome, therefore, it is not necessarily necessary to act by administering a variety of medications. These may, of course, be necessary to eliminate particular symptoms, but they won’t solve the matter completely. Neither will changing partners or increasing the number of intercourses. Because if the problem lies in our psyche, it is necessary to get to the source and understand the causes. And in this, psychotherapy will be useful.
Psychotherapy in the treatment of widow’s disease
During regular psychotherapy meetings, it is possible to discover what constitutes our greatest difficulties and what beliefs we have about our sex life. Gradually learning about our own fears and thought patterns leads us to answers to the questions: “Why aren’t my relationships satisfying?”and “Why can’t I get pleasure from sex?”.
Psychotherapy also helps to unload the unpleasant emotions that have managed to accumulate in us. Because if we live in constant tension and are troubled by the fact that intimate life is not going our way, relaxation has probably managed to get so far away from us that it is already out of reach. It is for this reason that visits to a psychologist are a great help. Because the very act of speaking out loud the hidden thoughts and telling about one’s problems brings a kind of relief.
But, although psychotherapy is largely about talking, it is not the same as meeting with a friend or chatting up a loved one. This is because a psychotherapeutic conversation is conducted to analyze the problem and get to the root of it.
The psychotherapist does not give ready-made solutions, does not instruct and does not judge. Instead, he can suggest effective coping techniques through which:
– get to know our own emotions better and learn to control them,
– understand our needs and accept them,
– we will recognize excessive tension in our body,
– we will catch intrusive thoughts.
Each problem addressed in therapy is a little different, because, after all, each of us has different characteristics, experiences and beliefs. However, whether the problem lies in low self-esteem, disappointment from a current relationship or paralyzing fears of intercourse, it is worthwhile to seek help from a specialist – online psychotherapy.